BreakOut
by ScruffyDonut
Summary: Naruto's stupidity was fixed after a childhood injury comes to light. That could only be a good thing, right? Humor, sarcasm, AU, Team 7 friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, I am making NO profit.

Back with a new fic instead of finishing the other one. For shame.

Warnings: Sad first chapter, humor and a ton of sarcasm later. Hopefully, I can make it funny for you. Course language and innuendos later. I will post warnings appropriately for each chapter.

I have made a play list for this, and the name of the chapter will coincide with the song that set the theme for that certain chapter. In no way am I saying you have to listen to the songs, or that you need to for any reason. The songs will be extremely varied, going from Nicki Minaj to Evanescence, from Puddle of Mudd to J-pop. The song that sets the theme for the whole story and shares the title is _Breakout_ by the _Foo Fighters_.

I will name the song at the beginning of each chapter, as shown below.

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><p>Chapter 1:<em> Moment 4 Life <em>(by _Nicki Minaj_)

Naruto was at it again, it seemed.

Naruto had only been in his new class at the ninja academy for two weeks, and already the Hokage had a meeting about his behavior. Since Naruto had been orphaned at birth, he had no one to care for him, and since it was obvious no one was going to adopt him, even though he'd be a genin (hopefully) in less than a year and be considered an adult by Konoha law, the Hokage had taken it upon himself to be Naruto's guardian.

Which meant that whenever someone had a complaint about Naruto, Sarutobi got to be the gracious soul forced to hear the rants against the little troublemaker.

It was rare though, for anyone under ANBU level to actually file a formal complaint, and even rarer for a civilian to even consider approaching Sarutobi with words against Naruto.

It was good to be Hokage.

Today was a rare day indeed as Sarutobi watched Naruto being drug in by his new chunin instructor. Apparently, the rumors about one Iruka Umino were correct. The normally gentle, reserved, and always respectful Iruka had balls.

The Hokage waited patiently for the meeting to begin while Iruka tried in vain to subdue a jittery Naruto.

After a few moments of shouting at each other, Naruto finally sat down and Iruka began.

"Lord Hokage, please excuse our interruption, but I really must speak with you about Naruto."

'And the cycle continues.' Sarutobi thought. The Hokage figured he might as well make himself comfortable. It usually took awhile before the complaining ninja got it all out of his, or her, system. They would usually be just as respectful as always, then, the rant would escalate as they bitched and whined about every one of Naruto's flaws and discrepancies. It was getting to be annoying. Hasn't anyone ever heard of paperwork?

Not that Sarutobi liked the endless piles of reports, that wasn't the point. The point was that it needed to be done, and he really had a lot today. Time to cut this short.

"Of course, Iruka. But I must say, I've heard pretty much all I can about Naruto. I know his grades aren't what they should be, and that he has a bad habit of pulling pranks. I also know that he doesn't show proper respect for his superiors. I have tried everything I could think of to help him, but I am the Hokage and don't have a lot of free time on my hands."

Naruto had slowly started shrinking in on himself with every word the old man said and the Hokage felt bad, but it was the truth. Naruto was a very troubled child, and Sarutobi wished he could help. God knows Naruto deserved to be happy. Iruka wasn't done though, and spoke up once more.

"Yes, Lord Hokage, Naruto is a bit of a troublemaker, but, with all due respect…"

Oh, great. Sarutobi tried not to roll his eyes. 'Why is it that every time someone says "with all due respect" they end up saying something completely disrespectful?'

Thankfully, Iruka was oblivious to the Hokage's inner turmoil and continued.

"Maybe, well… maybe Naruto should be looked at by a medical professional."

Huh. That was new.

Sarutobi had heard quite a few "suggestions" concerning Naruto's behavioral problems, and "go to the doctor" was a new one. It definitely was the best he'd heard so far.

Suddenly, the Hokage stood from behind his desk with a smile, successfully scaring the crap out of the two visitors.

"Lord Hokage?" Iruka begin hesitantly, but he was cut off.

"It's lucky that I just happen to be free this afternoon, Iruka." Sarutobi would actually have to just skip today's work and make up for it later, but no one needed to know that. "Well, let's go."

The old man was halfway out of the office by the time Iruka realized he and Naruto should be following their leader to the hospital.

By the time Naruto figured out where he was being taken, it was too late and his screams of protest and outrage were ignored as he had just been shoved into a strange room with even stranger people.

)(

Iruka sat in an uncomfortable silence with the Hokage. They were both stationed right outside the door Naruto had been drug into kicking and screaming over half an hour ago.

Really, that boy seemed to just be an ungrateful brat at first glance, but Iruka's heart went out to him anyway. Iruka thought that Naruto may just be acting out in order to get attention, and after hearing the Hokage's tale about Naruto's lonely life made Iruka that much more empathetic.

As the Hokage spoke about Naruto with affection, concern and even a little regret, Iruka thought about his own past and decided he would help any way he could. Maybe Naruto really would benefit from the same psychological healing that Iruka himself had gone through in his childhood? Iruka had been forced to have sessions with a Yamanaka when he was young, and he was grateful for it now. He had gone from being an attention-seeking prankster, just like Naruto, to the functioning, happy ninja he was today.

It sure was taking a long time for the medics to clear Naruto's physical health, though.

Finally the door opened and the Hokage stood, Iruka doing the same. They both noticed the look on the doctor's face and it sent Sarutobi's stomach to his throat.

"Well?" What's wrong with Naruto? Sarutobi had to know. Now.

"Lord Hokage, it's a good thing you brought Uzumaki in today. We found something that needs to be dealt with immediately."

That did not sound promising. Iruka was very worried now, and the Hokage did not look pleased in the slightest.

The medic decided that being blunt would be safest in this situation. The Hokage did not look like he wanted to wait.

"Lord Hokage, let me just say first that this is something that can easily be rectified, and we are already prepping Naruto for the jutsu that you will have to give us permission to perform."

The doctor then handed the village leader a clipboard with a sheet to be signed. Sarutobi decided to hear the full story before he even thought of allowing anything to be done to Naruto. He prompted the medic to continue.

"We believe that, when Uzumaki was young, perhaps even an infant, that he must have struck his head on something. He has a depressed skull fracture that has been hidden from view by his hair."

Iruka's gasp made the medic stop and notice the chunin for the first time. The man with the scar across his face must be really worried, as his eyes were almost comically wide, and he had covered his mouth with his hands after his outburst. How someone could be so concerned over the Kyuubi vessel was beyond reason for the doctor, but then again, the Hokage looked ready to murder a small village. The doctor decided self-preservation was in order and continued his diagnosis.

"I found no evidence of Uzumaki ever having epidural bleeding, and there is no severe brain damage."

Sarutobi released the breath he'd been holding. This was good, Naruto was ok. He wasn't damaged for good, which was rare, but good. Very lucky.

"So, there's no brain damage then?" Iruka asked.

"There was no _severe_ brain damage, but there is damage, and therein lies the problem. Because of the fracture, a small portion of Uzumaki's brain was damaged, and now he's suffering from status epilepticus. That means that Uzumaki's brain, or just that small part that was damaged, has been in constant seizure. The damaged tissue was trying to protect itself from any further damage, and to do that it had to stop working altogether. To shut itself off it went into a terminal series of petit mal seizures. These are also called "absence" seizures because they only last fifteen to twenty seconds at a time, though his were constant. This is the reason for his symptoms you've both noticed."

This was too much for Iruka, who finally collapsed back down in his seat. Poor Naruto. He'd had this horrible condition for his entire life, and it was only just now found? Iruka couldn't even imagine, didn't want to imagine, what it was like. Here he thought that Naruto had needed counseling. He had to speak up.

"So, the hyperactivity, the behavioral problems, his lack of concentration, all of it was caused from this?" Iruka asked, fearing the answer for his own heart's sake.

The Hokage feared the answer was yes as well. He'd known Naruto longer, been closer to him than anybody, yet he never once thought something was really wrong.

"Yes," the medic said, making Sarutobi's heart clench. "Uzumaki's symptoms, which I first assumed were ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, are all from the seizures. That is why I need you to sign the release form, Lord Hokage." He indicated the paper Sarutobi was holding as he spoke. It hung in the old man's hand, forgotten.

"Thanks to the Sannin Tsunade's advancement of medical ninjutsu, we can perform one jutsu and restore Uzumaki's damaged brain. It can't reverse the damage already there, but it will stop the seizures and he will have a fully functioning brain."

As the Hokage read and signed the form, Iruka's mind wondered until a question presented itself.

"What about the fracture?"

The doctor looked as though he'd forgotten about the original injury, as did the Hokage.

"Oh, the fracture is healed completely." The doctor looked contemplative for a moment, then added; "It seems as though it healed itself in a relatively quick time after the fracture was made."

'The Kyuubi,' Sarutobi thought. 'But why didn't the fox heal Naruto's brain along with the skull?' Oh well, a question for another day, for another medic, perhaps.

As the Hokage gave the go ahead to let Naruto have the jutsu done, he sat down and sighed, suddenly feeling older than he ever had before. Sarutobi had seen so much pain, so much death, but this was different. This was Naruto, a child, not a ninja, and this was not a battlefield, it was his brain, the most important and sensitive area of the body. The Hokage heard a sniff next to him and he studied the little chunin. Iruka had most likely just saved Naruto's life, in more than one way. How could Sarutobi possibly thank this man for that?

"How much do you think Naruto will change?" Iruka asked, accidentally dropping the honorific of "Lord Hokage." Sarutobi felt like he was actually talking to an equal again, and he felt that camaraderie that came with the grief of losing something that was mutually important to two different people. That was how the Hokage felt in that moment. He felt like he'd lost Naruto forever. Or, at least the Naruto he knew yesterday.

"I do not know, Iruka. Naruto may not change much, or he may be a completely new person. All I know is this: that Naruto will pull through because he is a strong boy. Just remember that, Iruka. Every time you look at Naruto from now on, always remember that he always was and always will be a hero."

)(

The almighty fox demon smirked from within his cage. Finally, one of those stupid humans found the problem. He could tell the jutsu the humans were using was already working. The jutsu looked like it was only going to stop the strange block on his host's mind, leaving the way open for Kyuubi.

'This is good.' Kyuubi knew that his host would finally be able to think freely now that his brain was working again.

The humans would stop the block, the "seizure" as they called it, and then Kyuubi could finally stretch his chakra up into the unused area and do some repairing. His chakra had been longing for this day, always reaching out toward the brat's brain, waiting to fix the injuries.

The fox found his chakra reacting automatically to the human body, as if his host was just an extension of himself, and not a separate being. It was an odd experience for the demon, feeling his chakra yearning day in and day out to heal the human as soon as it was hurt.

This was a good thing, though. Kyuubi didn't even have to make sure his host was safe. His demonic chakra was protecting the human on it's own, without having to be manipulated. Kyuubi's chakra kept Naruto safe, in turn, keeping Kyuubi safe. For now.

The fox could tell the brain damage had already been erased by his chakra's healing ability, even before the humans outside had finished their jutsu. His host would succeed now, and so would Kyuubi. Finally, after all these years of being imprisoned, Kyuubi could began planning in earnest. He would be free, and Naruto was his key.

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><p>Ok, a few words. While I plan to make this a humor story, this chapter was really heavy because status epilepticus is a very real, very life-threatening condition. This story is about Naruto overcoming this condition. Not many people who experience seizures in their brain live through it. But when they do, it says a lot about the strength of the human body. And that's what I kinda want to say with this story. Humans aren't so breakable and pathetic after all, because humans are awesome. Sometimes. Hopefully, I can lighten it up after this.<p>

P.S. I am talking about humans as if I weren't one myself, so apparently I'm an alien.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Not getting paid to write.

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><p>Chapter 2: <em>What You Want <em>(by _Evanescence_)

When Naruto awoke, it wasn't to his ceiling or his blanket or to anything else in his home. Naruto awoke to the ever wonderful white glare of the hospital.

It took a moment to fully realize the situation, but when he did, Naruto remembered everything that happened the day before.

He'd been had.

Naruto had gone with Iruka-sensei to see the Hokage, then he somehow got to the hospital, where he made a very embarrassing scene, and then some guy messed with his head, and then nothing except blackness and a killer headache.

Someone was to blame for this, that's for sure.

Naruto had just managed to sit up in the bed when he heard the door open. In came the man responsible for the headache, followed by the Hokage. When they saw him, they stopped moving into the room and just stared blankly at Naruto.

'What, did I grow an extra head or something?'

Naruto stared back until the Hokage finally spoke.

"Naruto, I'm so glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Well, Old Man, my head feels a bit like it was smashed repeatedly with a hammer," Naruto said, his voice deceptively light-hearted. "How are you?"

The two men expected this answer, though not the blasé attitude, and the Hokage prompted the medic man to pull a small, orange prescription bottle out of his pocket. He handed Naruto one yellow pill and a glass of water.

Naruto wasn't too sure about trusting this man, who he didn't know and had renamed Mr. Doctor-man, since the guy hadn't introduced himself in any way.

"Don't worry, Uzumaki," Mr. Doctor-man explained. "It's just a pain reliever. Hydrocodone, to be specific."

Naruto's eyebrows rose into his hairline at that. He got to take drugs now? And why the hell did the Hokage just start giggling like a little girl? This was all rather strange.

The doctor was a very impatient man apparently, and gave Naruto a weird look.

"Just take the pill Uzumaki."

Mr. Doctor-man was snippy too. "Your headache will be long gone in about thirty minutes if you take it. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better," he announced.

And with that, Mr. Doctor-man turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. Now, it was just Naruto and the old man, who was smiling like an idiot as Naruto tried to understand what just happened.

"Go ahead and take your medicine, Naruto. The doctor is right, it really will help."

The Hokage had the look of a person who knew what he was talking about, so Naruto shrugged and popped the pill in his mouth. Naruto figured he'd do just about anything right now to get rid of the headache, and by the way the two men were acting, this hydrocodone stuff would do the trick.

The Hokage sat on the edge of the hospital bed, making sure to give Naruto that grandfatherly look the boy loved so much.

"So Naruto, besides the headache, how are you?"

"I gotta admit Old Man, I'm horribly confused."

Sarutobi's smile wavered. Naruto was already different, it was obvious. The boy's way of speaking was very… odd. Especially for Naruto. Plus, the once loud boy hadn't even started yelling yet, demanding the truth. That could just be from Naruto's headache, and he would eventually go back to shouting at the top of his lungs every two seconds. Sarutobi sincerely hoped not.

At least one thing hadn't changed in Naruto yet. The Hokage was still being referred to as Old Man, Naruto's pet name for him. Sarutobi found himself appreciating the nickname more than usual now. He used to think it was endearing to be addressed so casually by Naruto, but now it felt like a lifeline and not just a rude moniker. Like a little piece of the old Naruto was still there. Like Naruto wasn't gone forever to be replaced by something completely different.

"Naruto…"

The Hokage considered what to say. He was concerned about being completely honest, as he now had no clue how the boy would react. Would he be angry? Or ashamed that he had brain damage? Would Naruto lash out or have a nervous breakdown? Sarutobi no longer knew what to say to someone he used to know. This Naruto was new, an unknown, and the Hokage had to tread carefully.

Naruto was watching him from the pillows, waiting for him to continue, and that impressed the Hokage. Before, this boy would have been throwing a fit in this situation, but now he was calm. Patient even. Like Naruto knew he should let his Old Man gather his thoughts before answering what must have been a difficult question.

"Lord Hokage," Naruto said softly, and Sarutobi threw the theory of a patient and attentive Naruto out the window. Wait… Did Naruto just address him with respect for the first time ever?

"If you don't mind too awfully much, maybe you can tell me the truth instead of just sugarcoating everything. Yeah?"

Once more, Sarutobi just stared at Naruto. The Hokage's face showed nothing but a well maintained mask, blank and unreadable, but underneath, he was in shock. That was not something that Naruto would have said to him, ever. That response, which was more like a demand made to look like a request, was calculated, but in a casual way. It was eerily similar to something Minato would have said… but still. This wasn't a young Fourth Hokage, this was Naruto, the Fourth Hokage's son, who had previously imitated his mother's behavior, not his father's.

Naruto sighed. The Old Man was still just staring, as in not talking, and Naruto was tired and hurting and just really wanted to go back to sleep. Or eat. Whichever came first, really. So, a different approach to get the Old Man to spill the beans…

"You're worried, aren't you? Well, if you're worried about telling me what happened then I guess that means it was bad, right? Well, fear not, Old Man! I can take it."

Naruto gave his trademark grin, only cranked up to "Hokage-Manipulator" level. He got a fond smile for his effort, and Naruto knew he'd won this round.

Naruto: 2. Old Man: 34.

)(

Thank God Naruto had taken that pill.

About two minutes into the Hokage's explanation about the skull fracture, the pain reliever kicked in, and Naruto was a very happy little boy. He was slouched on his bed, eyes dilated and drool dribbling down his chin. The Hokage was a bit concerned, but Naruto proved he was listening by asking a question or two and generally understanding what was being said.

Then Sarutobi got to the part about Naruto's brain being in seizure his entire life.

"How the hell am I even alive?"

It came out in a slur, but Sarutobi understood well enough.

"There are a few answers to that question, but most are more or less just theory on my part, and something we won't discuss until later, Naruto."

Since Naruto was taking this so well, maybe it was time to tell him about the Kyuubi. Sarutobi had been considering it anyway, and now that Naruto seemed so much more mature, it may be for the best after all. Of course, Naruto was basically high as a kite from the hydrocodone, but who said Naruto couldn't have just one more pain reliever when the topic of the demon fox came up?

Being the Hokage, not even the hospital staff would dare tell him "no, don't give Uzumaki any more hydrocodone." It really was good to be in charge. Sarutobi could basically get whatever he wanted. All for the good of Konoha, of course.

"Soooo…" Naruto suddenly stopped talking, making the Hokage sit up in alarm, but it seemed that Naruto was just cut off by his own stomach as it growled loudly from lack of solid food. Then, Naruto giggled.

The Hokage sighed but couldn't keep the fond smile off his face. This boy would end up giving him a heart attack before the day was over, he just knew it.

"How about I call a nurse to bring you a plate of food before we continue this discussion, eh Naruto?"

"K." Another giggle.

)(

After the food arrived, Naruto wasted no time digging in like a man starving. The Hokage chuckled at Naruto's antics when the boy started playing with the jello like any normal kid should. After jiggling the lime flavored dessert once or twice, Naruto got bored and laid back into the pillows.

"Much better. Ok Old Man, where were we? Oh, that's right. I was dropped on my head as an infant and now I have brain damage."

Where was this bitterness coming from?

The Hokage watched closely as Naruto sighed, shook his head as if he were disappointed in someone, then gently ran a hand over the gauze wrapped around his blond head. It seemed Naruto was trying to feel for the damage under his fingers, to identify the problem and make sure it was fixed.

'Poor Naruto,' Sarutobi thought. 'Maybe he isn't taking this as well as I thought.'

"Oh no, Old Man, you look all worried again. Stop that," Naruto said, giving the leader a withering look. "I'm fine with this, ok? It's just… amazing."

"What's amazing, Naruto?" The Hokage asked with an eyebrow arched in bemusement.

"My luck, that's what's amazing. I mean, really? I go my entire life being dumb and then along comes Iruka-sensei, who puts me in hospital, and bam! I'm fixed."

Naruto laughed bitterly, then seemed to think about something.

"By the way, how long have I been hospitalized anyway?"

"You were admitted on Wednesday afternoon, and today is Saturday."

"What?" Naruto jerked up, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in alarm.

'And here I had just gotten used to this quiet, calm Naruto.' Sarutobi should have expected an outburst sooner or later. Good old Naruto.

"But… but what about my class? Old Man, how am I suppose to catch up now?"

Naruto was actually whining about his academics. Something was very wrong with this picture.

"You've only missed two days of class, Naruto. You can make that up easily."

"No, I _can't_! Not only do I have to learn what I missed Thursday and Friday, but I'm going to have to learn everything that's been gone over this year because you know how stupid I used to be! I haven't understood any of it!"

With that, Naruto flopped back onto his bed and began pouting. It was cute, as it always had been, but Naruto brought up something important.

"You were not stupid, Naruto."

All Sarutobi got was The Look. It was that face that kids and teenagers made when they don't have the courage to say "yeah, right" to your face.

Naruto went back to pouting, this time adding a grumble that Sarutobi could only just make out.

"Naruto. I truly believe that you will be able to pass the genin exam this year."

Naruto gave him The Look again.

"Yes, Naruto, you will pass. It will be hard work, and you'll have to actually complete the assignments you are given, but I have faith that you can, and will, succeed."

Finally, Naruto's body relaxed again, but his eyes still held a guarded hope.

"You really believe in me that much, Old Man?"

Sarutobi chuckled. He had the brat now. Just one more push.

"Of course I do. Who else will take my position as Hokage when I get too old to be taken seriously?"

The nervous laugh and sheepish grin from Naruto gave Sarutobi pause. "Well, about that…"

'Oh, no. Naruto, please don't say what I think you're going to say.'

The silent pleas of the Old Man were silenced when Naruto dropped the bomb.

"I'm not really sure I want to be Hokage anymore."

The room was deathly still for all of two seconds. The proverbial dam broke with Naruto's hesitant whisper of "Old Man?"

Sarutobi really was in shock this time. This was not right. It was so wrong! And he had made plans for Naruto this year! Big plans!

All that paperwork… Naruto had left his Old Man high and dry, without even realizing it. 'Now,' Sarutobi hid a dramatic sob, 'now I can't push all those D, C, and B-rank reports off onto Naruto if he doesn't want to learn how to do it.'

Naruto watched in disbelief as the freaking Third Hokage had a breakdown. Seriously? If he was that stressed out, maybe he should go ahead and step down while he was still sane. Hell, while he was alive.

Second guessing his dream of being Hokage was obviously a good idea. Poor Old Man was going insane.

)(

When Naruto was discharged from the hospital Sunday morning, his reemergence into the land of the living was rather strange, to say the least.

First, Mr. Doctor-man, whose real name Naruto _still_ hadn't found out, refused to give Naruto anymore of those wonderful pain relievers. Instead, the medic handed the bottle over to the Hokage, who was, and Naruto quotes: "a responsible adult, unlike you, Uzumaki."

It didn't really matter much though, since the Old Man gave Naruto one of the pills as soon as Mr. Doctor-man's back was turned.

What a nice person the Hokage was. Very generous.

And then, Naruto had been had. Again.

At least it was the Old Man who'd pulled a fast one on Naruto this time, and not some nobody chunin teacher. Naruto's pride, what little was left anyway, still took a bit of a beating. But what else is new?

So, Naruto now found himself giddy from the hydrocodone and saddled with a new desk job. Doing paperwork for the Old Man all day was not what he'd had in mind to do as soon as he was out of the hospital, but the Hokage was paying him, and he did get to read all the reports B-rank and lower. And there was that promise of new clothes and help with schoolwork from the Hokage, so, all in all, it wasn't that bad.

Until Naruto asked the wrong question and got an earful about the giant, nine-tailed fox demon that was sealed inside him. That one he definitely was not prepared for. The freak out followed nearly put Naruto right back into the hospital.

The hydrocodone might have caused Naruto to be a little too enthusiastic about having near infinite chakra reserves, but how was the Hokage to know for sure?

"Old Man, there aren't any more, like, S-class secrets about me are there? 'Cause I'm not sure how much I can take in one day."

It was an off-hand comment, and it ended up giving the Hokage that blank-faced look again. Naruto sighed and rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness of this entire week.

"Of course there are more secrets," Naruto scoffed. "How silly of me. But please, Old Man, can we just save it for another day?"

"Sure, Naruto. Whatever you need," Sarutobi said vacantly.

How about another pain killer?

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><p>If anyone recognizes any quotes of Naruto's, that's awesome. Because Naruto's new personality that I'm writing for BreakOut is inspired by a guy on YouTube named Helloween4545. He makes Let's Play videos, meaning he plays video games and then does commentary for them. He's absolutely hilarious, a comedic genius, and if you don't mind watching someone play horror games, then check him out. He's done some good games, including F.E.A.R., American McGee's Alice, Penumbra, and Dead Space.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, for which you should all be thankful.

Also, the updates will most likely be sporadic. All over the place. So far, I'm writing pretty fast but I will eventually slow down as the story takes a farther turn from canon. It seems boring to me now, but the action (what little there will be because this isn't supposed to be an action/adventure story) should start picking up by about chapter 6 or 7. I'm just worried about boring you guys.

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><p>Chapter 3: <em>Thank You! <em>(by _Home Made Kazuko_)

Walking into the classroom on Monday, Naruto was met with the usual jeers and insults from the students, and a new, painfully awkward silence from Iruka-sensei.

This was going to be a _fantastic_ year, Naruto could tell.

He ended up taking some short notes on the day's lecture, but opted out of taijutsu practice, claiming he still had a headache. Iruka-sensei easily let him off the hook, and let him stay in the classroom to do some remedial work.

Naruto really had planned on finishing his revision, but something horrible had been on his mind since the day before.

His handwriting.

"My god, my writing is ugly. It's hideous, in fact!"

Naruto said this to no one in particular, though he got a very strange look from Mizuki-sensei, the assistant instructor who had stayed inside by order of the real teacher.

Naruto tried to ignore the glare from the man and work diligently to make his handwriting at least fairly legible.

He was pretty certain this could take a while. And Mizuki-sensei was starting to royally piss him off.

Naruto cast his gaze on the assistant teacher, hoping to catch him glaring and make him stop. This did not work, however, (it never did) and Naruto just received a sneer for his efforts. How rude.

"Can you please stop looking at me, Mizuki-sensei?"

"What did you say to me?"

Really now, what kind of reaction is that? Naruto hadn't stuttered.

"Look, I know you hate me, and I know why. But, seriously, you don't have to be creepy about it. So… stop it."

This certainly was not the right thing to say to an antagonistic teacher, and Naruto found himself with a face-full of Mizuki. The man had moved in an instant from the desk that wasn't even his to stand over Naruto. The blond figured Mizuki was trying to be all intimidating by showing him how much faster and taller he was than Naruto. Problem was, it was working. Naruto was now thoroughly intimidated.

And alone with a madman.

Just in time to prevent Naruto from dying a horrific death, the door slammed open and in walked Naruto's unwitting savior, Sasuke Uchiha.

The stoic boy stopped in his tracks to watch the scene before him. Mizuki-sensei feigned concern for Naruto's work and went back to Iruka's desk, now utterly and disgustingly innocent looking. Sasuke gave a questioning look to the blond, and Naruto mouthed the words "thank you." Sasuke had the decency to look completely dumbfounded.

The rest of their classmates filed in, the fan girls of the Uchiha heading the group, and the day continued on in normal fashion.

)(

After school let out and Naruto had gorged himself at Ichiraku's Ramen Stand of Perfection, as he so aptly renamed it, Naruto headed off to do his share of the Hokage's duties.

The paperwork was extremely easy, but there was just so much of it and it was really, very boring. Naruto could now sympathize with the Old Man, especially when he would rather be training. The Old Man would rather be reading one of those perverted novels, so Naruto found they had a little bit in common.

Not the perverted part. Naruto wouldn't touch those books with a ten foot pole, he was a gentleman after all. No, it was the whole "I-would-gnaw-my-own-hand-off-if-it-meant-I-never-had-to-do-paperwork-again" thing.

Naruto now felt proud of himself for stepping in and rendering his services to the Old Man and helping out, especially when the Hokage handed him a whole new wardrobe. Naruto had gotten plenty of brand new t-shirts, long-sleeved shirts, cargo shorts and even a surprise of a shiny new kunai and shuriken set. All of it was plain and bland, neutral colors with hardly any orange, which was a bit upsetting, but Naruto hadn't step foot in one store for it and he would be eternally grateful. Especially for the weapons, since his had a habit of being crappy.

Being a nice person paid off. Being a rude person didn't. This was just a fact of life, and Naruto now felt a newfound appreciation for his Old Man.

)(

Most of the weeks after had gone basically the same as his first day back. On Tuesday, when Naruto finally got to wear his new, hole-less clothes, many of his classmates took notice and put in their (mostly negative) two cents. Naruto ignored them, which confused many, and went about his days in relative peace. He'd made a habit of sitting next to Sasuke, mainly because the boy hardly spoke to Naruto, or anyone, and Sasuke was good at keeping his comments to himself. Naruto still thought Sasuke was a stuck-up prick, by all means, but at least he was silent.

Sasuke's fan girls, on the other hand, were not.

Iruka-sensei noticed Naruto gravitating toward Sasuke, and in a moment of genius, the teacher spared both boys and assigned the class to seats that they had to sit in for the rest of the year. Sasuke got to keep his seat by the window, Naruto got to keep his seat by Sasuke, and none of the girls were allowed anywhere near them. In fact, the third seat on the row, on Naruto's right, was left empty. This was perfect for Naruto, as his chances of getting caught cheating off Sasuke had just lowered to about 25%.

25% because Iruka-sensei was a chunin, after all. And a teacher, which meant he had hawk eyes, just on principle. Then, Naruto would have to be careful of Sasuke himself. He didn't know if Sasuke would let him steal his answers or just kick his ass, but Naruto didn't want to chance it either way. You never knew how someone might react, and Sasuke was kind of weird to begin with. So Naruto played it safe, only cheating when he had to.

And then, the subject of the evil exams came up.

Naruto was more determined than ever to succeed, just to prove he wasn't retarded.

The exam was two months away now, and that was far too soon in Naruto's humble opinion. The written test he could study for, and cheat on, if at all possible. His taijutsu still wasn't great, but it was passable, and that was good enough for now. But the ninjutsu test, meaning the bunshin test, was going to be a problem.

A gigantic, terrible, horrible problem. Naruto just could not perform the jutsu. He could not make one damn clone and that was Not Cool.

And so, he asked Iruka-sensei for help.

"Naruto, I think your problem is chakra control."

Yeah, time for some chakra control exercises.

"I know the whole leaf-forehead exercise thingy, but do you have any other tricks?"

Naruto had approached Iruka-sensei after forcing himself to master the "leaf-forehead exercise thingy," asking for yet more assistance. Iruka thought about it for a moment.

"Well, usually that's the only chakra exercise taught at the academy. The tree climbing and water walking exercises are more difficult and so taught later on, by your jonin sensei," Iruka-sensei told Naruto with that teacher voice Naruto loathed. It was time to get serious.

"Well, just teach me those anyway, Iruka-sensei."

At the heated look Naruto got, he realized he must have forgotten his manners.

"Please?"

Iruka sighed. Naruto had gotten better. A lot better. He paid attention, he was respectful, and he was actually on time. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt too much to teach Naruto the advanced chakra exercises. It would be unfair not to, seeing as Naruto knew how to do the bunshin, he just couldn't because he didn't have enough control. Besides, Naruto _had_ asked nicely…

It took just over one month for Naruto to learn the tree climbing exercise and get started on working on the water walking exercise. Naruto was officially freaking out.

)(

"Old Man."

Naruto had walked in the Hokage's office, seemingly with a purpose. It put Sarutobi on alert immediately.

"Yes Naruto?" He asked with no small amount of apprehension.

Naruto sighed, looking for all the world defeated. Then he started yelling.

"What the hell am I gonna do? I still can't make one functioning clone! ARHG!"

Naruto had been flailing around in desperation and rage one second, then dropped into his seat, hunched over in depression the next. These mood swings came to be habit, and the Hokage had finally gotten used to them now. It was amusing to see such a quick succession of emotions on the new Naruto, who was usually laid back and seemed to just go with the flow.

The Hokage chuckled.

"Ah yes. The bunshin, your favorite jutsu."

Sarutobi earned himself a glare from the blond boy, which made the Hokage laugh.

"I'm glad you find my failures so funny, you butt munch," Naruto grumbled.

The Old Man snorted. Naruto, with his new personality, still had a penchant for nicknames, though now he could think up some very strange names. He was also still just as brave as before, as no one in their right mind would ever consider calling the Third Hokage a butt munch to his face and expect to live.

But, this was Naruto, so he got away with only a glare.

"Naruto…" the Hokage sighed. He figured there was nothing for it, and pressed on. "You're too hard on yourself. You are not a failure just because you have too much chakra to perform the bunshin."

"Too much?"

"That's right, too much. The bunshin takes a small amount of chakra, and you simply have too much to make a normal bunshin."

Well, that made sense. It was still a problem, though.

"But-" Naruto was about to ask the Old Man how anyone expected him to pass the genin exam when he caught what the Hokage had said. "Wait, normal bunshin? What's that mean?"

"That means," the Hokage answered with a chuckle, "that there are other forms of the bunshin no jutsu, and I have one in mind that you can learn that will let you pass the exam."

Naruto jumped up from his seat, goofy smirk in place.

"Sweet! So what's the catch?"

"Naruto, you think that I would only teach you an important jutsu for my own benefit?"

The Hokage was just screwing with him, Naruto just knew it. How did he know? Maybe it was the shit-eating grin on the Old Man's face.

Naruto responded with The Look, the one that he'd perfected since the stint in the hospital. It was perfect to use on the Hokage. It easily said what he felt without him actually saying the words and risk getting a beat down. Basically it meant either "yeah, right" or "no shit," depending on how far up Naruto arched his right eyebrow. Currently, it was a flawless version of "no shit."

The two stayed like that, staring each other down, until the Hokage suddenly lit up his smoking pipe and stood.

"Come with me, Naruto."

Thank God Naruto had been able to handle the Old Man's weird fixation of moving quickly and suddenly. It was pretty obvious the Hokage used this habit as a tool to scare the crap out of people randomly. Naruto humored him, since the Hokage was old and bored and had to get his kicks somehow.

Naruto was eventually lead to a room filled to the brim with scrolls and books and dust. He sneezed as his Old Man unrolled a large scroll across the floor. He motioned Naruto to one section and explained.

"This is the Forbidden Scroll, and I will allow you to learn the Kage Bunshin from it. But _only_ the Kage Bunshin. Am I understood, Naruto?"

Naruto tore his eyes from the scroll and looked up at the Old Man. He was dead serious, and his eyes were hard and judgmental, daring Naruto to defy him. Fortunately, Naruto was smarter than that.

"Of course, Lord Hokage."

Naruto was equally as serious, and the Hokage nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Naruto to figure out the kage bunshin on his own.

)(

On the day the exams came, Naruto was equal parts excited and scared shitless. He was worried about the written portion of the test, but he'd studied as best as he could, and he had the benefit of sitting by Sasuke, who seemed to be oblivious to Naruto's cheating. Naruto ended up getting a passing grade, and one that was pretty decent (thank you, Sasuke!). Most importantly though, his handwriting had improved.

He could actually read what he wrote now. This victory of epic proportions made the Hokage proud too.

Naruto practically aced the weapons test, his kunai and shuriken hitting the bulls eye more than once, and so he moved on to taijutsu. Where he proceeded to get his ass handed to him. But, he was sparring Kiba, who was a bit brutal and very fast, so that was to be expected. He passed nonetheless.

Then came ninjutsu. Henge no jutsu? Pass. Kawarimi? Passed that too.

Bunshin?

Passed. And Iruka-sensei hadn't even realized that the clones were solid. No one was to know yet. The Hokage had made Naruto promise not to tell anybody and let it be a pleasant surprise later on. It was their little secret.

Naruto went to his seat, smile beaming from ear to ear as he secured his new Konoha hitai-ate around his head.

The short instruction from Iruka-sensei to come back in a week to be assigned a team and jonin sensei dismissed the class for the last time. It was a bit depressing for Naruto, as Iruka-sensei had really pulled through for him this past year and now he found that he would miss the chunin. It was Iruka who had originally helped Naruto pass because Iruka had took him to the hospital in hopes of getting him professional help. It was embarrassing, but Naruto admitted that Iruka was right. He had needed professional help, just not of the psychological variety. Naruto was indebted to Iruka, whether the man knew it or not.

While Naruto had been off in his own little world, most of the students had evacuated the classroom. Naruto stood to leave, but stopped short when he noticed Sasuke had not left yet, and what was worse, Sasuke was now staring him down. Sasuke looked to Naruto's hitai-ate and nodded, satisfied about whatever he found there.

Sasuke was a weird one, that's for sure.

"Good," Sasuke said. "Now maybe you'll stop cheating off me."

Oh. Crap.

* * *

><p>The song for this chappy, <em>Thank You!<em>, is from the Bleach original soundtrack 1, and I believe is the 2nd ending of the anime.

Henge no jutsu is the transformation technique, Kawarimi no jutsu is the body replacement, and hitai-ate is the forehead protectors, just in case anyone didn't recognize the Japanese names. Or tend to forget them, like me.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own his fictional soul, thanks to Kyuubi. We recently made a sweet, sweet deal. Ha. Ha. Ha.

By the way, _Thank You!_ for all great reception and reviews I've gotten! It has made me very happy, very giddy.

Warnings? Just more course language. Especially at the end.

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: <em>She Hates Me <em>(by _Puddle of Mudd_)

In the days before Naruto was to meet his teammates and jonin sensei for the first time, Naruto was a busy little bee.

He still helped the Hokage, but now he got to sit in on the mission briefings and help pick out what team went on what mission. It was a great learning experience, and he got to hang out with his two favorite people in the world: Old Man and Iruka-sensei.

Upon the realization of "genin hazing," also known as D-rank missions, Naruto had quite a spectacular fit. Plus, no one would tell him who his team was going to be.

The Hokage did this on purpose, just to get a laugh at Naruto's expense. _Naturally_.

When he wasn't slaving joyfully away for the village leader, Naruto was training. He was making progress with the water walking exercise, and working on his taijutsu with a rather large number of clones. Naruto was now walking around with bruises and bandages received from beating himself up. Ironically, most of the damage was to his face.

Who new Naruto hated himself so much?

The kage bunshin had proved to be an extremely useful technique. Not only did Naruto have an endless supply of people to bludgeon him daily, but he received information from his clones whenever they disappeared. It made being in two (or two hundred) different places at once a reality.

Which was excellent.

During this short time off, Naruto also met the Old Man's "Honorable Grandson," Konohamaru. Who was a dingbat, through and through. Honorable, indeed.

The Honorable Brat's sensei, Ebisu, was perhaps the douche-baggiest jonin Naruto had ever met in his life. Seriously, the guy was a Prick, with a capital "P." Naruto decided if his own jonin sensei was half the douche-bag that Ebisu was, he'd either quit his ninja career altogether, or commit a particularly gruesome homicide/suicide. Whichever option was best. Probably the latter.

At least there would be no jail time after he flung himself of the Fourth Hokage's forehead.

Eventually, the week came to a close, and Naruto headed to the academy. He promptly bashed his sore skull into the desk when he heard who his teammates were.

Sasuke, the broody-but-perfect-in-every-way Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno, Naruto's first and semi-current crush.

Naruto had fallen hard for Sakura when he was little, and he still found her amazing. She had pink hair that expertly matched her jade green eyes, and her mind was a treasure trove of information. Every time her eyes sparkled and her smile twinkled, Naruto would melt into a puddle of goo.

Sakura could also hit harder than any guy Naruto had ever fought, and he knew that from experience. Painful, painful experience.

And now Naruto had to put up with the girl for an indeterminable amount of time. Joy.

Not that Naruto had completely soured of Sakura, he still thought she was adorable, after all. But the idea of future spousal abuse was not an appealing one.

It was far too apparent that Sakura hated Naruto, and he had enough hatred for himself to last all day, thank you very much.

The word "amazing" could still be used by Naruto to describe Sakura Haruno though. As long as he added the necessary "bitch" afterwards, of course.

Then there was Sasuke to consider. The boy was far too observant for Naruto's tastes. The blond was expecting a thrashing from Sasuke any moment now for the cheating incident.

)(

It was a full two paranoid hours for Naruto to wait before their jonin decided to show up. As soon as Kakashi Hatake graced the three genin with his presence, Naruto declared vengeance on the Old Man.

This was _not_ acceptable behavior.

The man with silver hair and mask came into the classroom, interrupting Naruto from his fitful nap far away from Sasuke. The guy took one look at his students and simply announced: "My first impression of you is… I hate you all."

Kakashi-_sensei_ went to the roof, of all places, to wait for Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke.

"Disappointing," Naruto said, before sighing and trudging off to follow Sasuke up the stairs.

Once on the roof, Naruto got his second impression of Kakashi.

"Well, let's begin with introducing yourselves," the jonin said, with the utter conviction of a dead man walking.

"What do you want to know?" Sakura asked.

"How about you likes, dislikes, your dreams for the future and things like that."

'How about you go get yourself eaten by a rabid dog?' Naruto thought.

"Why don't you introduce yourself first, Kakashi-sensei, so we'll know how it's done."

Sakura was really playing this up. Apparently, she was trying to secure a place as teachers pet. Then again, Naruto was in a bad mood, and he really needed to get a word in.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "You look rather suspicious."

Kakashi gave Naruto a deadpan look and answered.

"Oh… me? Well, my name is Kakashi Hatake. I have no desire to tell you my likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future… hmm. And I have lots of hobbies."

After a short silence, Sakura leaned in to whisper to the boys.

"So all he told us is his name?"

Before Naruto could open his mouth and stick his foot into it, the jonin continued.

"Now it's your turn. Let's start on the right."

"Wait," Naruto said. "Our right or your right?"

Kakashi watched the confused expressions grow on the children's faces, and explained.

"Whatever."

All three glared at the jonin. 'Oh, so that's how he wants to play, is it?' Naruto thought.

Sakura went first, telling the males of the group with no tact whatsoever that her life basically revolved around Sasuke and Naruto already. Every good feeling she had ever felt was because of Sasuke, who didn't give a crap. And every negative emotion Sakura had was directed towards Naruto, who only partially gave a crap.

It stung Naruto to hear Sakura say out loud how much she hated him, but, he wasn't all that surprised. No one was.

Sasuke was next. He announced that he had no life, but hoped to one day. Naruto processed the information like this: Sasuke hated everything. Sasuke hoped to have babies one day. Sasuke looked forward to murdering some dude.

Sasuke wasn't just weird anymore. He was downright psychotic.

Kakashi was still unfazed. Naruto's turn.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I like stuff. I dislike other stuff. My dreams tend to be odd, especially if I eat too much dango before bed, and I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, other than Hokage maybe. Other than that… I also have someone I intend to kill."

All three were watching Naruto strangely, and the blond had to stop himself from cackling. He loved screwing with people.

"Mind if I ask who you want to kill, Naruto?" Kakashi asked with a bit of discomfort. It was plain to see the man was worried, and Naruto decided to go ahead and laugh manically.

"I don't mind at all, Kakashi-sensei," he said with a bright grin. "You."

The shock was too much and Naruto practically giggled in delight.

)(

Joke or not, it turned out to be a bad idea for Naruto to tell his new jonin sensei he planned to murder him.

After a verbal lashing from Iruka-sensei an hour later, Naruto was pretty damn sure he hated Kakashi. The Old Man thought it was rude, but laughed about it with Naruto behind Iruka's back anyway.

The day ended as usual for Naruto, and he raced home from the Hokage Tower to plan. Kakashi warned the three genin that they had a survival test the next day, and that worried Naruto immensely. According to Kakashi, they had only a 66% chance of becoming actual genin. Naruto didn't mind not becoming a ninja at this point, but he was concerned for his health and wellbeing. As long as he survived tomorrow with his life and all of his limbs, then he was happy.

On top of that, the Hokage refused to tell him anything about this "test" bullshit. Old Man flat out refused Naruto, and did it with a smile.

What was wrong with these hateful people?

Naruto figured he should be as prepared as possible and picked apart his memories from the meetings with Kakashi and the Old Man, looking for any and all advantages he could find. He made notes, and planned out a to-do list. He headed out the door to do some recon on the training ground they would be using tomorrow, but left a clone home to make himself a feast for tonight's supper.

And in the morning, he'd make sure to take every weapon and tool he owned. Naruto would also be eating breakfast, maybe even two breakfasts, just to spite Kakashi-sensei. Naruto decided to take whatever this annoying jonin said with a grain of salt, and then defy him every step of the way.

As Naruto spent the next two hours scouting the training ground that may possibly become his grave, he wondered if he was silly for looking forward to a safe future of D-rank missions.

)(

That night, Naruto dreamed. Actually it was less of a dream and more of a horrific therapy session. Unfortunately for Naruto, his therapist just happened to be a blood thirsty fox demon bent on bloody destruction and carnage.

Naruto walked through a nasty sewer, hoping against hope that he wasn't _actually_ wading through crap. Then the water broke and he found himself face-to-face with the most terrifying thing he'd ever seen.

"Um… Hi?"

The Kyuubi gave a tremendous laugh.

"Well, hello brat. We meet at last."

'We meet at last?' Seriously, was Naruto's life just some weird story in one of those action movies where the all villains laughed maniacally and had crappy little mustaches?

The Kyuubi must have sensed where Naruto's thoughts had wondered, and suddenly there was a ton of oppressive red chakra flying toward Naruto, effectively scaring the piss out of him.

"Ah!" Naruto screamed like a little girl and flung himself on the ground in a pathetic attempt to, for some reason, protect his face.

The Kyuubi got another laugh out of that.

"I like you, brat. You know your place. On the ground before me."

A muffled "what do you want from me?" came from somewhere around Naruto's head.

"What I want is simple, boy, and will benefit both of us."

Naruto chanced a look at the demon, his eyes safely hidden under his hair.

The Kyuubi continued.

"I won't lie to you. I want out of here. And me being gone will help you out too. After all, you are hated by everyone just because I'm sealed in you."

That was true, but Naruto felt the need to point something out.

"Yeah, but I don't really care that everyone hates me."

The Kyuubi snorted. "You may be able to fool yourself into believing that, kid, but you can't lie to me. I know you better than you know yourself. I see what your subconscious hides from you."

Oh no. That did not sound good to Naruto, and he couldn't help but whimper. Hopefully the fox wouldn't tell him things he really didn't want to know about himself.

"This seal," Kyuubi used a larger-than-life claw to point out a piece of paper on his cage, "holds me in here. If you pulled it off, I would be free."

That sounded way to easy to Naruto.

The fox laughed.

"Of course it's too easy, brat. I know you'd never pull that off just to let me out. I hate to admit it, but you're smarter than that."

"Gee, thanks Kyuubi."

"You're welcome brat. Now, what I suggest is this: you figure out a way to unseal me without it killing you in the process, and I'll let you have unrestricted access to my chakra, anytime you need it."

Naruto found himself actually considering this. The fox just admitted that Naruto would die if he pulled the seal off, but the Kyuubi was letting Naruto figure out a way to avoid that. The deal sounded alright, though Naruto knew he'd be a really, really big idiot if he didn't know more before deciding.

"Using your chakra… what does that do for me?"

The Kyuubi snorted. This kid had no idea how bad his choice of words sounded sometimes.

"My chakra could win you just about any fight, if you used if correctly. And it will heal you immediately, like it does now, but you'd be able to heal even the most life-threatening injuries if my chakra was actively being used at the time. I want you to use it, even if it's just for healing, because if you die while I'm stuck in here, then I die with you."

Really, now? That cleared up a bit of the confusion.

"So, basically," Naruto began, sitting up to speak. He stayed kneeling on the ground, just to be sure it was safe. "You want me," Naruto pointed at himself for emphasis, "to figure out a way to get you," he pointed at Kyuubi, "free? Likely, the only way to do that is to learn fuuinjutsu. And that could take, like, years, you know?"

Kyuubi grinned a big toothy grin at the boy. It wasn't pretty.

"Oh, I have full confidence in you, _Naruto_," the demon purred. Naruto shivered but held the fox's gaze.

"So, brat, do we have a deal?"

Naruto sighed. His entire life was cursed, he just fucking knew it.

* * *

><p>Fuuinjutsu is sealing techniques.<p>

Ok, just FYI, I wasn't trying to bash Sakura, or Kakashi, here. These are Naruto's opinions, not mine. Just wanted to clear that up, just in case I was leading you on. I actually kinda like Sakura. Sometimes. Don't worry, I like Kakashi too.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto, but now I got Sasuke's soul too! Ah, the things that boy will do for power…

Warnings: More cussing, and now the start of the sexual innuendos.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: <em>Why Don't You and I <em>(by _Santana ft. The Calling_)

Two bells.

Three genin hopefuls.

Something was fishy here, and it was turning out to be a problem.

For the last half hour, Naruto had been chasing Sasuke and Sakura down, trying to get them to listen to his sagely advice. The whole idea about two of them passing the test and one going back to the academy was a ploy, nothing but filthy lies told by that filthy liar, Kakashi. Naruto had spent the last year working in the Hokage's office for God's sake. He knew that teams of genin were always in threes.

It would be a difficult task, but Naruto was determined to get this team working properly. It was a hard life, being the only sane person left in the world.

Naruto had just taken out his most recent gift from the Old Man, a sealing scroll, and unsealed one of his tools, when he heard the sound of a fight.

He found Sasuke going at Kakashi like a man possessed. And doing a decent job. Sasuke had actually managed to brush his fingers across a bell, until Kakashi-sensei threw the kid off like a rag doll. Sasuke, being Sasuke, did not appreciate that, and sent a humongous fireball at the jonin.

Naruto watched the jutsu hit the man head on, and ran up to Sasuke.

"Dude, you lit him on fire!" Naruto exclaimed. "That was awesome!"

Sasuke turned to the blond who'd just approached him carrying what looked like an old, rusty hammer.

"Why do you have a hammer?"

"Oh this?" Naruto brought the tool up to face level, showing Sasuke that it was, indeed, a hammer.

"I stole this from some random construction site the other day. To be fair, they weren't using it anymore."

Sasuke was at a loss.

"But, _why_ do you have it, moron?"

Naruto gave Sasuke a blank look.

"To hopefully bludgeon Kakashi-sensei to death with. Duh."

It was then that Sakura came out of her hiding place to congratulate Sasuke on winning the battle against the jonin, even though she knew from the beginning that he could do it.

"Oh, Sasuke! I knew you were great!"

"No, he's not," Naruto cut Sakura off from her pro-Sasuke rant.

"What do you mean, idiot? Of course Sasuke's great! He beat that stupid Kakashi-sensei, didn't he?"

Sasuke cringed but perked up when Naruto simply shook his head at Sakura.

"No. Actually, that 'stupid Kakashi-sensei' is right up there."

Naruto pointed to a branch in a nearby tree, causing the other two to whip around. They found the jonin, resting casually on the branch, giving them an eye-smile and a lazy wave. Sasuke and Sakura both froze up immediately, while Naruto just smiled back at the man.

Then, Naruto flipped Kakashi off, just for good measure.

Sasuke turned back to Naruto. Naruto waited, innocently, while Sasuke sized him up, gaze held on the hammer a bit longer than necessary. As much as it scared Sasuke to admit to himself, Naruto had intrigued him. What kind of ninja seriously uses a hammer?

"So, Naruto. Want to help me get those bells?" Sasuke finally said, causing Sakura to whip back around.

Naruto saw the look of hurt on Sakura's pretty face, and he couldn't help but feel for her.

"Sure thing, Sasuke, but I think we'll need Sakura too, you know?"

Sasuke looked at the girl, who was so blatantly hopeful that it hurt to look at her. Then, surprisingly, Sasuke nodded and motioned them to follow him.

The three genin-wannabes found what they believed to be a relatively safe spot to hide. Thanks to Naruto, who now knew this area better than the other two due to his night-time recon, they got under cover quickly and settled down to plan.

"Ok, guys, what the hell do we do about this asshole?" Naruto asked, just to receive two blank looks.

"Well," Sakura ventured. "Sasuke did pretty well against him in taijutsu, right?"

Naruto nodded, but Sasuke didn't look as smug as Naruto expected him to look.

"I did well, but he's jonin." Sasuke said. "We have to be careful if we're going to get those bells."

Sakura looked confused for a minute, then brought up a really good question.

"But, why only two bells? If Naruto's right, shouldn't there be three bells?"

They sat in silence for a moment, all thinking about the test and it's numerous meanings. Naruto didn't get far before he broke the silence.

"Um…"

Sasuke sighed. This was getting them nowhere.

"Naruto, didn't you say you made notes on this training ground last night?"

Naruto dug through the deep pockets of his dark green cargo shorts before bringing out a folded piece of paper.

"Oh, this is my to-do list," Naruto announced, before dropping the paper and digging back into his pocket.

Sakura, curious and nosy as ever, picked the paper up and read its contents out loud.

"Naruto's to-do list: not die."

Sasuke and Sakura both arched an eyebrow in Naruto's direction.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"That's all you wrote, Naruto."

"Well, that was the most important thing I needed to remember to do today."

Before either could respond, Naruto shoved a different piece of paper at Sasuke with a look of accomplishment on his face. Sasuke took the notes on the training ground and shared them out loud, secretly impressed by Naruto's ability to scout out foreign territory.

)(

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were all grinning (or smirking, since Sasuke did _not_ grin), triumphant as they stood in front of Kakashi-sensei less than an hour later. The three new genin had figured out a way to best the tyrant, and now they had the jonin as their teacher.

All it took were about one hundred clones from Naruto, a couple well placed fireballs from Sasuke, Sakura in control of a hostage situation involving a little orange book and a pretty damn good poker face, and they had gotten both bells.

Finally. Naruto had succeeded in creating a teamwork environment. He was still distressed about not getting to bash the base of Kakashi-sensei's head in with his beloved hammer, but oh well. There was always tomorrow.

How he would manage to work in a physical confrontation into a D-rank mission, he didn't know, but he wasn't called the Number One Unpredictable Ninja for nothing.

Kakashi tried to pull a fast one over on them after they'd gotten the bells, using a bluff to try to make them decide who was going to pass and who was going to fail, but the trio was smarter than that.

"Nuh uh, Kakashi-sensei," they said. "We either all pass together, or we all fail together. That's the law."

Kakashi kept up his Scary Face of Doom for a minute, before suddenly giving the children a victory sign and another eye-smile, telling them they passed.

Naruto thought it was funny how Kakashi-sensei tried to imitate the Hokage's sudden-scary-movement tactic. The Old Man did it a lot better. 'Course, the Old Man was a lot scarier than Kakashi, in Naruto's humble opinion.

"Hey guys," Naruto said. "We should all go celebrate our righteous victory against Kaka-sensei with food!"

Sasuke and Sakura looked at their happy teammate, considering the offer. The two were starving from having not eaten breakfast like the jonin had suggested the day before, and they both could go for some good food. Sakura had planned on asking just Sasuke, but he would have said no anyway. It looked like he may say yes to Naruto though, so Sakura held her breath and waited for the love of her life to answer.

Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly and agreed. Sakura said yes immediately after.

"Good, you children go regain your strength and meet me tomorrow morning at eight at the bridge over there."

Naruto turned to his sensei, and made a quick decision before the man could disappear. A decision that he figured he'd pay for later. Most likely in his own blood.

"Wait Kaka-sensei, do you want to go with us?"

The three little brats looked so hopeful. Well, maybe not, but Kakashi could dream, couldn't he?

"Sure, why not. I guess I should get to know you all better, right?"

"Right. Let's be off!" Naruto announced with a victory fist pump.

"Where should we go?"

"Well… you guys like ramen?"

)(

The Bonding, as Naruto christened the day's events, went pretty well. He actually got along with people he didn't really like the day before. Well, that wasn't quite right, was it? Naruto had always liked Sakura, and Sasuke proved to be kind of cool, when he wasn't being a stuck-up prick. Kakashi… Kakashi annoyed Naruto, but that couldn't be helped. Naruto was stuck with these silly fools, and he was determined to make the best of it. They were his team now, after all, and one of the most important things he'd ever learned from the Old Man was companionship with his fellow ninja.

But, it was at Ichiraku's that the team got their first taste of Naruto's habit of accidentally making sexual innuendos without realizing it.

And on the very first day of them being a real team too. That did not bode well for Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi, as that meant there would probably be more questionable references that would eventually come from Naruto's out-of-control mouth.

The meal had been going so well. Not awkward at all. Not until this happened.

Sasuke had been curious about Naruto's need for a hammer ever since he'd first seen the blond waving it about like it was a real weapon. Naruto explained that he had the hammer sealed in a scroll he kept on him at all times, just in case. Kakashi jumped in, curious as well.

"Naruto, why would carry a hammer around in a scroll with you? Do you actually plan to use it against an enemy?"

"Well of course, Kaka-sensei," Naruto said after swallowing a mouthful of noodles. It was rude to speak with your mouth full, after all.

"I have a few things in here, in fact."

Naruto pulled out his scroll and unsealed it on the table to show his collection to his team.

"See? I have a hammer, a piece of wood, a metal pipe, a flashlight, a tin can of what I assume is beans of some kind, a handsaw, a flint, a broken key, and a wooden crank that I have no idea where goes."

As he said this, Naruto pointed out his collection, indeed showing that they were what he said they were. It was perhaps the most random bunch of shit Sasuke had ever seen someone carry.

Something was very wrong with Naruto, but Sasuke decided that if it didn't affect him negatively, then to each his own. And, for such random crap, each item _was_ practical, and seemed as though they may actually come in handy one day.

"That's weird," Sakura said as they watched Naruto pick up the unmarked tin can and shake it next to his ear. Naruto nodded as though satisfied, and set the can back in its spot on the scroll.

Sasuke picked up the hammer to judge its weight. It was rusty, but it was heavy, being made of solid iron and thick wood. One side was blunt, while the other end was sharp and tongued, used to pull nails out of the wood. Sasuke figured if Naruto ever got a chance to use it like he wanted, it would do quite a bit of damage.

After Sasuke handed the hammer back to Naruto, the blond held the tool almost affectionately with a grin. Sasuke rolled his eyes and gave Naruto an amused smirk.

"Did you ask to take this stuff, Naruto, or did you just steal it all?" Kakashi-sensei asked, giving Naruto a disapproving look.

"What? They weren't using them anymore," Naruto said, before looking absolutely horrified. "You aren't going to take my hammer from me, are you Kaka-sensei?"

The kicked-puppy look Naruto was sporting didn't seem to deter Kakashi in the slightest.

"I think you should give them back, Naruto. It's wrong to steal from civilians."

At this, Naruto jumped from his seat, holding his hammer up as if to use it on Kakashi.

"No! You won't take Mr. Hammer from me! I'll put you down!"

Naruto got blank looks all around, until Kakashi calmly stood from his own seat.

Naruto panicked.

Holding his hammer poised to attack, Naruto loudly announced: "I'll do it! I'll hammer your ass!"

The following silence was broken by the cook, Teuchi, bursting out in laughter somewhere behind the curtain separating the eating area and the kitchen of the ramen stand.

After Kakashi starting giggling, Naruto turned red in the face, realizing what he'd just said. Sasuke feared his own face was the same color, and Sakura didn't look much better.

Naruto quickly sealed his collection up before awkwardly taking his seat and the meal resumed in a very uncomfortable silence, though the chuckles from the kitchen broke through to the group every few minutes.

At least he'd never get bored with Naruto around, Sasuke reasoned. The blond boy was definitely… unique. That was the nicest way Sasuke knew how to put it.

Sasuke figured he'd just have to get used to Naruto, and was almost thankful the blond wasn't as annoying as most of the other guys in the academy had been. Sakura on the other hand… Well, that he could possibly fix. Maybe Sasuke could claim he liked boys instead of girls? Maybe that would get her off him.

Sasuke reckoned this ramen wasn't too bad, either. He may even want to eat here again sometime. With Naruto, of course. That boy sure loved his ramen.

And his hammer.

Sasuke fought the sudden urge to laugh. He settled with another smirk before digging back into his noodles with renewed gusto.

* * *

><p>Every time I get a new message in my email telling me someone reviewed, added this to their favorite story or story alert list, I laugh maniacally. Thank you so much!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't want to own Naruto as that would just be far too much responsibility for my lazy bum. Although, I wouldn't mind owning Kakashi's soul. He's being difficult though, and wants something other than power in exchange. Unfortunately for me, Icha Icha Paradise doesn't exist in the real world. Yet…

Oh by the way, there won't be any pairings for this, just a lot of awkward moments. Also, this chappy begins a big divergence from canon.

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: <em>Ain't No Rest for the Wicked<em> (by _Cage the Elephant_)

Yay! D-rank missions abound for Team 7.

Painting fences! Gardening! Babysitting!

Tora the Cat.

Naruto figured he could handle this just as easily as walking the Inuzuka dogs. It was just a cat. Just a small mammal. Naruto was wrong.

Tora was a beast.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura had been keeping radio contact, just for the practice, Naruto figured, as they hunted for the Daimyo's wife's pet. Radio silence had been ordered by Kakashi-sensei, and the three set off to find the animal. Naruto had just happened on the cat all of a sudden, completely by accident. There! Problem solved.

"Aw, here kitty kitty kitty," Naruto called to the cat, who looked so innocent and cuddly, even with that butt-ugly bow tied to its head.

Tora cautiously approached the blond.

"Aw, see? You're friendly right?"

Naruto's radio hissed in his hear, Sasuke's voice coming through.

"Naruto, what are you doing? We're supposed to be quiet until we've located the target."

Naruto bent down to let Tora sniff his hand and answered.

"But I have found the target and- Ow!"

Naruto's yell echoed through the radio with a screech as Tora launched an assault.

"Oh God, you're not friendly!"

Sasuke sighed and ran to save his stupid teammate. By the time Naruto was found, the damage had already been done. Red scratches marred his face, neck and arms, and it was obvious Naruto was pissed. As Sasuke neared, he saw Naruto holding the cat at arms length. It dangled helplessly and stiff as Naruto held it by the scruff of its neck, immobilizing it.

"Naruto, what the hell are doing to that poor cat?" Sasuke asked, a shitty little smirk on his perfectly shitty face.

"I swear Sasuke, shut up right now or I'll be forced to slap you," Naruto said, glaring at the Uchiha.

Sasuke's smirk turned into a full on grin of shitty-ness.

Sakura came through the brush then and saw Naruto had the cat.

"Oh, you found the target?"

"Eh, you're as wise as always, Sakura," Naruto said. He ignored the glare from the girl, and stomped off to find Kakashi-sensei and hopefully shove this furry little claw-monster right down the front of the jonin's pants.

Ah, the things Naruto did for money.

)(

After the first incident with Tora, Naruto insisted the cat had to be renamed Mr. Devil "because, did you see his eyes? They were the eyes of evil."

And that was just the first confrontation between the two enemies. The second went something like this:

Sasuke and Sakura were crouched in a clearing of the forest, waiting for Naruto to push the Tora the Cat- er… Mr. Devil, past them so they could grab the pet. It was an ambush scenario they were practicing for Kakashi-sensei.

It did not go as planned, naturally.

The cat came bursting through the bushes, right on schedule, but the animal was running extremely fast, too fast to catch, and for good reason. Naruto came after it, brandishing that damn hammer and screaming.

"No! No Mr. Devil! Don't be scared! I'm only here to kill you!"

Sasuke felt he should be annoyed at this situation. Annoyed at Naruto for chasing the cat away from his position, annoyed at Sakura for leaving her own position to chase after Naruto, and annoyed at his life in general. But, Sasuke was surprised to find himself completely un-annoyed. In fact, Sasuke was quite amused.

It was only after Sasuke joined in the rat-race that the genin actually managed to capture Mr. Devil. Then Sasuke and Sakura had to keep Naruto from killing the stupid thing.

Upon returning to the Hokage Tower to finish the Tora mission, the Hokage took one look at Naruto, who was standing there covered in dirt and leaves and holding a hammer.

"How did the mission go?" The Hokage asked after the cat left with its master.

"It was terrible, Old Man!" Naruto said, his voice taking on a whiny tone he usually used just for the Hokage.

"Yes, well I think you learned your lesson on how to catch the cat for the next time," Sakura said.

"Yeah. Next time, I'll hopefully bludgeon Mr. Devil to death, preferably with this hammer. If not, I might make Sasuke set him on fire if I can."

After they got their money for the mission and were dismissed for the day by Kakashi, Naruto stayed behind to help the Hokage, like he usually did. Sakura tried, and failed, to get Sasuke to go on a date with her, and the boy started off toward the Uchiha compound. He didn't get far, since Kakashi-sensei was still following him.

"Aw, already done for the day, Sasuke? And here I thought you and I could do some training."

Sasuke turned to look at the jonin. He cocked an eyebrow when he saw the eye-smile.

"No?" Kakashi sighed, feigning disappointment.

"I was just thinking I could help you activate your sharingan, but…"

Kakashi turned to go, baiting Sasuke. Of course it worked and Sasuke ran after the man.

Finally, this was what Sasuke was talking about. Good stuff.

)(

It was another three months of D-ranks for Team 7.

Their days now consisted of waking up early, waiting for Kakashi-sensei for a couple hours, then doing some training before heading out to collect a mission or two. It was boring most of the time, but the three genin had enough to do on the side that they didn't bother complaining much.

Naruto was being kept busy with the Hokage, although he sent a clone to do paperwork when he was with his team. Naruto had now finished learning the water walking exercise and decided to check out a few fuuinjutsu books and chakra training scrolls from the library, making his clones read them.

Learning about seals was going to be difficult, Naruto could tell. All of it was immensely complicated, the books full of technical jargon that made him sleepy. Naruto wasn't sure he really wanted to learn fuuinjutsu, but he'd made a deal with a demon, so it really couldn't be helped now. One thing Naruto would not do is give up.

Because Kyuubi might just rip Naruto a new one if the blond didn't pull through for the fox. Naruto wasn't willing to risk his health like that.

Speaking of the fox, Naruto had just recently begun training with the demonic chakra, due to the Hokage seeking permission with the council for him. It took a few weeks, but the Old Man eventually won the council over, surprisingly with the help of one of the elders, Danzo Shimura. This worried Naruto, since Danzo had never been very polite, and the blond assumed Danzo had some kind of diabolical plan for him or something. But, Naruto tended to over think these kinds of things and Danzo may just be looking out for the wellbeing of Konoha.

But Naruto had some serious trust issues, so he kept an eye open for the old crippled councilman anyway.

Sasuke spent a lot of time training with Kakashi-sensei, working on activating his sharingan. It came as a shock to the genin that their non-Uchiha sensei had a sharingan eye of his own, and at first it had angered Sasuke. But, Naruto had pointed out it was a good thing, very lucky, that Sasuke _just happened _to have a teacher who knew how to use the sharingan, and Sasuke calmed down.

Sakura, well, she was doing a bit of research. On what, the boys had no clue, as Sakura tended to bite Naruto's head off every time he asked about it. Sasuke didn't get much information out of Sakura either, which was rather odd. So, they left the girl to her own devices and hoped she hadn't snapped and was planning to murder them. Or something equally as painful.

)(

It was early one Friday morning when Team 7 was finally given its first C-rank mission.

Naruto was in the mission room with Old Man and Iruka, handing out assignments. Just as Naruto ended a verbal confrontation with Kiba Inuzuka because Naruto gave the dog-lover the Mr. Devil mission, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi walked in. Naruto giggled at Kiba's misfortune before smiling at his teammates and bouncing over to them with a scroll.

"Well, howdy," Naruto said. Sasuke greeted Naruto with a smirk, Sakura smiled and waved.

"I finally got us a C-rank."

"You mean, I finally got you a C-rank," Kakashi said. Naruto made a rude gesture behind the jonin's back, and got a heated glare from Iruka for his efforts.

"Naruto," the Hokage said, "as amusing as I find your interactions with Kakashi to be, your team needs to be briefed on the mission."

"Yes, Lord Hokage," Naruto said as he handed the scroll to Kakashi-sensei.

Kakashi read the scroll and nodded, satisfied with the mission.

"Ok, kiddies, go get packed for a long journey then meet me at the west gate in an hour," Kakashi said.

The genin left the tower together, and Sasuke took the chance to ask Naruto about the mission.

"Well, Sasuke, we're going west to a mining country. They've been having a bit of trouble with bandits, so we gotta guard them."

Satisfied with the explanation, they went their separate ways to prepare.

)(

An hour and a half later, the genin were at the west gate, waiting for their leader.

"He does this to screw with me, I just know it," Naruto grumbled. Kakashi was always late to everything, and Naruto figured the guy would end up being late to his own funeral when the jonin finally bit the big one.

Might as well take a quick took in his pack, Naruto figured, just to triple check he had what he needed.

"Weapons… Rations…" Naruto said as his teammates watched him dig through his pack.

"Naruto, you should have checked your pack before you left," Sakura scolded.

"Oh, I did, Sakura," Naruto said. "This is my third check. You know, just to make _extra_ sure."

For some reason, this gave Sasuke the urge to check his own again. So, he did. So did Sakura.

"You guys got everything?" Naruto asked. When they answered in the affirmative, Naruto smiled.

"Cool! Looks like we're all set for a journey to death."

The blond earned himself two worried glares for his statement.

"Now all we need is a jonin sensei."

Kakashi must time his entrances perfectly every time, because he suddenly showed up out of nowhere, giving his genin one of those goofy eye-smiles and waving.

"Let's go, children," Kakashi said, and the four headed through the gate.

)(

The country that Team 7 journeyed to was an arid wasteland nestled between the borders of Wind and Earth Country. The land, which was basically dead as far as the eye could see, harbored an elaborate underground tunnel system that was filled with a metal known as tungsten. Apparently this metal was expensive and highly coveted, and the mining company was forced to hire shinobi to protect their livelihood from bandits who'd made camp somewhere in the country and had been giving the miners some trouble.

Yes, trouble with bandits, indeed.

Team 7 had only just entered the country of their destination, known as the Eastern Borderlands, when they were ambushed.

The bandits weren't too troublesome, though poor Sakura got ganged up on and had to be rescued in the end.

It was obvious she was embarrassed, possibly ashamed, as she refused to speak to Naruto or Sasuke, until the team was attacked again a couple hours later.

This group of bandits decided to attack the team just outside of the mining company's factory, which said a lot about the situation here. The bandits were fearless and had no qualms about hurting the miners. This group got beat up too, and this time Sakura was angry and using her freaky-strength that was usually reserved for Naruto. She got her revenge, that's for sure.

All three males of Team 7 cringed as one when they saw what Sakura did to one poor fellow. Naruto was pretty sure the dude would now be singing soprano for the rest of his life.

Naruto was so proud of Sakura.

After the beat down was over, the team made their way into the factory and the office of the foreman that hired them.

The man waved off Kakashi-sensei's formal greetings and welcomed the ninjas with a laid-back attitude. After a few details were gone over, the foreman, named simply Ishi, escorted Team 7 to their living quarters. It was nothing but a medium-sized tent, surrounded by tents of varying sizes. This was the living area of everyone who worked in the factory, and it was basically just a glorified campsite.

It was a lively place though, and merchants, venders and food stalls were set up all over the place. The minors and factory workers had just gotten off from their shifts, and the campsite was crawling with big burly men who were all covered in layers of dirt and sweat, some even carrying big burly tools.

Like how one miner just walked by the three genin with a long, shiny pickaxe.

A long, shiny pickaxe. With sharp, pointed ends, perfect for stabbing.

Naruto's eye's sparkled.

"Welcome, Konoha shinobi," Ishi said, gesturing with arms wide to the camp, "to Ishimura."

* * *

><p>Ishi means "rock" and Ishimura means "rock village." Like the ship in Dead Space! Yay!<p>

Speaking of video games… well, I may be a little busy playing the new Assassin's Creed that comes out at midnight tonight! I will still be writing, because, hey, you guys seem to like this story and that makes me very happy! I just may not be posting as often after tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Well, no Kakashi soul for me. But, maybe Sakura will be more cooperative… Oh, yeah, I don't own Naruto.

Hey look! You get double songs for this chappy! Go me.

* * *

><p>Chapter 7: <em>Burn it to the Ground<em> (by _Nickelback_) and/or _In the Borderlands_ (by _TEAMHEADKICK_)

That night in Ishimura, Naruto and his teammates were introduced to the concept of inebriation.

Apparently, when the miners got off their shifts every night, they would go through a certain routine. The men would bathe first and foremost, thank God, and then get together in little groups to eat. They would walk around the food stalls, grabbing what they wanted. They would have a communion of sorts, before getting together in much larger groups to drink whatever alcoholic beverages they could find.

Team 7 had wondered around while the workers ate to familiarize themselves with the camp and get some food of their own. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke had their fill of rice, barbequed beef and water. Then, things got a little chaotic.

Naruto found himself wishing for the first time that Kakashi-sensei was there. Because, who knew how long these men had gone without a woman? Naruto figured he wouldn't have to worry about Sakura, she was a kunoichi after all, and had just that day proved how vicious she could be. No, Naruto was worried about his cute little blond self. What if one of these beefy men got too drunk and decided Naruto was a girl, or just good enough for a bit of fun?

Naruto decided to stick himself very closely to Sasuke just in case someone got any bad ideas. You could never be too careful.

Then, tragedy struck. Tragedy for the raiding bandits, anyway.

A large group of the villains found a way into the camp while the workers were all too shit-faced to notice. A fight suddenly broke out, and the three genin ran to investigate.

What they found was a slaughter. Apparently men get rather ballsy when they're drunk. The bandits had weapons of kinds, ranging from kunai to swords. The miners had pickaxes, sledgehammers, and rocks.

The bandits never stood a chance.

The miners and factory workers all cheered as more and more of their uninvited guests fell. Naruto could only stand back and watch in shock with Sakura and Sasuke, entranced by the brutality. Why did Ishi hire them again?

And where the _hell_ was Kakashi-sensei? Probably off doing something perverted, the stupid, filthy… pervert.

)(

Kakashi, the stupid, filthy pervert, finally saved the three genin, and then made them help clean up the bloody mess the miners made out of those poor bandits. The first night was a crazy one, and Naruto might have lost a bit of deserved sleep.

But, the next morning dawned bright and extremely hot, and the team got up cranky, not really ready for their duties.

"Waz happ'nin'?" Naruto slurred as Sasuke shook him awake.

"Nothing, idiot. We have get up and work now."

"Oh. Boo."

The three groggy genin followed Kakashi-sensei back to Ishi's office. They ended up getting an enthusiastic rundown of what had happened the night before. In exaggerated detail.

"Ha! You should have seen it Kakashi! My men were on fire last night!"

Well, that was all well and good, but…

"If they can handle themselves so well, then why are we even here?" Naruto asked, earning Ishi expectant looks from Sasuke and Sakura.

"Oh, sure," Ishi said. "My men are fine when they're together and off their shifts. But the problem is when they're trying to work. Those fuckin' bandits won't leave us the hell alone!"

"Yeah, about that, kiddies," Kakashi said and Ishi snorted, hearing Kakashi call his genin "kiddies."

"You three will be separated during the day, each staying with a group of miners. Though, you won't be allowed to actually go down into the mine."

"Why not?" Naruto asked.

"Too dangerous," Ishi said. "If you don't know how to work a mine, then you don't work a mine."

Ok, good enough.

"Where will you be, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Oh, me? I'll be guarding the factory."

The factory, Kakashi explained, was a larger area and needed a keener eye, while the genin only had to guard a mine entrance. It seemed easy enough, so they each headed out to do what they were being paid to do. Sakura got mine entrance number 2, Naruto got number 3, Sasuke got number 4, and Kakashi got the camp, factory and mine entrance number 1.

When Naruto arrived at his station, it was empty. The miners obviously hadn't arrived yet, and he could hear the chatter off in the distance. They must still be eating breakfast, so Naruto figured this was his best chance. The blond walked over to the lonely, abandoned pickaxe that just waited to be taken.

Naruto had just picked the tool up, eye's alight in adoration, when a voice behind him made him jump and drop the axe.

"Hey, kid."

Naruto spun around to face the miners, nervous smile in place. He was trying to look innocent, but it didn't seem to work. The man that had spoken smirked and looked at the pickaxe on the ground.

"Never seen a ninja use one of those before, but if you want it, you can have it."

"Seriously?" Naruto said.

The men all snickered at Naruto's happy face.

"Sure," the man said. "We all have our own and that one is just an extra anyway."

Naruto smile could have made the sun feel ashamed as he twirled around a couple of times, shouting "yay!" and scooped the pickaxe up.

Naruto had just gotten himself a new toy.

)(

That night went about the same as the last. Naruto left with the miners to head back to the camp and meet up with his team. When Naruto saw Sasuke with his own group of miners, he ran up to the boy, waving his pickaxe in triumph. Sakura found them soon after and noticed the twin looks of smugness adorning both of the boy's faces.

"So, how'd your day go, guys?" she asked.

"Oh, looky look what I got, Sakura! I gots me a pickaxe."

Sasuke snorted in amusement while Sakura rolled her eyes. Naruto was so weird.

"What about you, jerk?" Naruto asked Sasuke, who looked just as happy as Naruto, which was wrong and creepy in every way imaginable.

"Why are you so giddy?"

"I'm not giddy," Sasuke said quickly. "I'm just… pleased."

Sakura lit up, which worried Naruto. That girl had problems if a word like "pleased" could excite her that much.

"You got into a fight, didn't you?" Naruto asked. At Sasuke's smirk, he gave a deadpan look to the black-haired boy.

"Yeah, so did I," Naruto pointed out. "Those bandits are determined."

Sasuke grinned. Before Naruto could get too worried about Sasuke, the boy closed his eyes, looking like he was concentrated very hard on something, and opened his eyes to show his teammates his fully developed sharingan. Sakura gushed and Naruto couldn't help but feel proud as well.

Yeah, his team was definitely going to be badass one day.

Later that night, no bandit raiders showed up, but that didn't mean a fight wasn't going to happen. This time, Naruto had accidentally gotten involved, and one worker decided to test his drunken luck against a trained ninja.

What happened was ugly, but at least Naruto won the scuffle. Barely.

The crowd of rowdy men kept shouting "fight!" over and over while Naruto kept looking for a way to sneak away and flee as fast as possible back to Konoha, but he ended up getting a big, pudgy fist to the face.

"Sasuke! Help me, damn you!"

But Sasuke did not help the poor blond. Instead, the bastard just stood there chuckling while Sakura cheered for her teammate. Kakashi, again, was nowhere to be found.

"Ah! What is your problem? Get away from me! You smell!" Naruto shouted at the drunkard, but to no avail. Finally, Naruto found himself in the perfect position to punch the guy in the groin. The man doubled-over, the crowd roared in amusement, and Naruto ran back to the relative safety of his sleeping bag.

)(

Five more days of sitting in the hot sun while the miners mined and Naruto avoided the alcoholic frenzy every night, and Team 7 were getting ready to return to Konoha.

They had only needed to stay until the main shipment of tungsten had gone out, and that very thing had just happened. It went well, no bandits attacking and nothing going wrong. This scared Naruto, because, really? Obviously something bad was going to happen.

And, of course, it did.

One of the men who'd driven the horse-drawn caravan lugging the heavy metal to be shipped out by train had just shown back up at the factory. He had ridden back on one of the horses, injured and ranting about the bandits. Apparently, the bandits had now gotten serious, hiring a ninja mercenary to hijack the entire train full of tungsten.

What are the chances?

Ishi looked to Kakashi-sensei.

"So, ninja," Ishi said. "How much more would I have to pay you to fix this shit?"

"Well, what do you guys think? Should we help out?" Kakashi asked the genin.

Sasuke smirked and nodded, ready for some action. Sakura fidgeted, but reluctantly followed Sasuke's lead. Naruto stood there, staring blankly at the wall of Ishi's office.

"Well, Naruto?" Kakashi asked.

"I wanna go home," Naruto whined.

Kakashi eye-smiled and turned to Ishi.

"Make it a B-rank. Maybe an A. We'll let you know when we get back."

)(

When Team 7 arrived at the hijacked train, what they found was horrifying. _Naturally_.

There were tons of bandits roaming around, some digging through boxes, some just standing around, and one group were guarding what looked to be the rest of the men from the caravan and the train workers. Standing on top of the train itself was a single figure, most likely the ninja the bandits had hired, and stopping the train was the ninja's summon, a gigantic, shiny, black beetle that looked to be gnawing on the wood cars.

This was the second most terrifying thing Naruto had ever seen. So far. Kyuubi was the first, of course.

"Sooo…" Naruto whispered. "What's the plan?"

Sasuke went to jump up, eager to start kicking some ass. Kakashi-sensei quickly grabbed the boy and forced him back down behind the wooden crate they were using for cover.

"Unlike Sasuke, I think you three should sneak onto the train." Kakashi-sensei said.

"And do what, exactly?" Naruto asked, none too gently.

"Well, while you get the train running, I'll take care of that guy," Kakashi said, indicating the ninja atop the train. Then he seemed to consider something.

"Actually, I guess I'll have to take care of the ninja before you can get to the train. He does have that summon, and you guys aren't that good with stealth."

Kakashi received three equally annoyed glares. How rude was that?

Kakashi ignored the genin, instead using the crate as a hand-hold to look over. Instead of being the silent, stealthy ninja he was supposed to be, Kakashi ended up knocking the side of the crate open. Naruto figure the man had done it on purpose and just faked the sheepish look. Especially considering what was in the box.

"Hey look, explosive notes!" Sakura announced.

Indeed, the crate, which was large enough to fit all four members of Team 7 comfortably, was filled with nothing but ninja grade explosive notes. These were actually meant for the miners, as they used the notes to excavate the mines.

Not that Naruto didn't already have plenty of explosive notes on him already, he was learning fuuinjutsu, after all, but hey, this looked like a plan.

Especially after Sasuke and Sakura found another crate not far away that was filled just like the previous one, this time with booze.

Oh yeah, this looked like a wonderful plan indeed. And it went a little something like this:

Kakashi-sensei would suddenly appear, and battle with the enemy ninja. Then Sasuke would fight through a few of the bandits to get to the beetle summon. He would then lure the bug toward Sakura's hiding spot, where they had set a trap for the beetle. A large ring of alcohol and explosive notes was waiting, and when Sasuke pushed the beetle into the center of it, preferably with a fireball or two, Sakura would set the notes off, trapping the big-ass bug in a ring of fire. That is, if the notes hadn't already gone off because Sasuke was so obviously a pyromaniac.

This would leave a way open for Naruto, who would get to bludgeon the bandits who were guarding the hostages. He would then get them freed and on the train. The train would start up and get away, taking the valuable heavy metal that was already loaded on the train with it.

This is what Team 7 had done, and it had worked, up to a point. When the train had started moving, it was extremely slow, and this immediately told the bandits and their hired shinobi what was going on. A large gang of the raiders descended on Sakura, and Sasuke wasn't close enough to help her. Kakashi-sensei was though, and had to make a quick decision. The jonin would rather cut his fight short and save Sakura, who was in trouble, and leave the enemy to go after Naruto, who Sasuke could easily get to.

Kakashi sent Sasuke onto the train after the enemy, a jonin-level ninja, and went to help Sakura.

)(

"Ah! Oh God, what?" Naruto yelled as the ninja from outside suddenly rushed him from behind. Naruto had just been minding his own business, shoveling coal into the train engine as fast as he could, and now he was planted face first on the floor of the caboose.

But, luckily, Sasuke wasn't far behind the dude. Naruto looked up just in time to see Sasuke fly in, planting a kick right to the back of the ninja's head. It only knocked the man off balance before he turned to fight Sasuke.

Yes, Sasuke had come just in time, once more, to save Naruto from a horrible fate. Sasuke, Naruto's savior. Naruto's champion. Sasuke, the vanquisher-of-people-who-wanted-to-murder-Naruto. Sasuke, Naruto's… well, you get it. Naruto was grateful to Sasuke once again. Nothing more.

Then, in the chaos of the train brawl, the rest of Naruto's heroes turned up and the train was finally on its way out of the Borderlands.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but now I have Sakura's soul! The bargaining was quite creepy and had to a lot do with Sasuke, but I'm sure I got a good deal.

Also, I know the silliness has been a bit overwhelming, but after this chapter things are going to be getting a bit more serious.

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: <em>Sick Bubblegum <em>(by _Rob Zombie_)

Ah, Fire Country. The Land of Dreams.

Team 7 had just successfully completed their first C-rank mission, which had actually turned into both a C-rank and an A-rank, and so they'd gotten paid for both.

And now Naruto was home, back in the relative safety of Konoha and hyrdrocodone.

After entering through the gates, Team 7 was greeted with two very strange scenes. First was their loony teammate. Naruto had immediately flung himself to the ground in front of the check-in station. Two genin and three jonin got to watch Naruto kiss the ground and caress the dirt lovingly, all the while mumbling about crazy drunks, monster-bugs, and sledgehammers.

This was all amusing for Team 7, especially the reference to the "Sakura Sledgehammer Incident."

You see, the day the team was to leave the mining company and return to Konoha was the day Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto learned something very disturbing about their female team member.

Naruto had gotten his pickaxe and was very thankful, but he'd also had his greedy blue eyes set on another treasure: a sledgehammer. If he could have that, he may just be almost invincible. Or, so he thought.

"I would have nothing to fear!" Naruto exclaimed, after a miner told him he could have the hammer, _if_ he could pick it up.

"Yes, fear not! I have this big meaty weapon of… meatiness," Naruto said as he went to lift the sledgehammer.

But, he couldn't. The hammer stayed on the ground, handle sticking straight up as Naruto yanked as hard as he could. To no avail, though, and Naruto found himself on his butt after the sledgehammer refused to be lifted.

Then, Sasuke decided to show Naruto up and lift the sledgehammer himself, just for the hell of it.

Sasuke had picked the tool up, only to drop it with a loud 'clunk' and a cloud of dirt. Sasuke tried to hide his panting, but Naruto was staring at him in awe. Meaty weapon, indeed.

"Oh, come on, Naruto. You can't tell me you can't lift that," Sakura said as she sauntered over to the boys, an out-of-place look of smugness on her face.

Sasuke wasn't pleased.

"What, and you can?" Sasuke snapped, causing Sakura to blush and stammer out some sort of response.

"Wait, can you?" Naruto said.

Sakura simply walked over and picked up the big, meaty, heavy sledgehammer like it weighed _nothing_.

Naruto and Sasuke looked on in shock, and a bit of horror, as Sakura proudly held the sledgehammer like a regular-sized hammer. Naruto vowed to never, ever, make Sakura mad again.

And so Naruto was left sledgehammer-less. But he did daydream the whole way back to Konoha. He figured his team was already pretty damned awesome. Naruto was the smart one who had access to limitless, demonic chakra. Sasuke was the valiant avenger, and Sakura was the warrior goddess. Oh, Kakashi-sensei was there too, but he proved to be nothing more than a filthy, lying, lazy pervert.

Despite their awful teacher, Naruto reckoned this team was going to go far, especially if _he_ was the one to guide them.

Now, back in Konoha, the second odd scene the ninja at the gates were privy to was the amusing old drunkard who was being detained by a couple of chunin. This old man was yelling something about bridges, and shouting obscenities to any passing ninja he saw. Something about how Konoha had betrayed the country of Wave, and how the bridge was doomed, how he was doomed and how the "evil, money-grubbing midget was going to own everyone eventually." Team 7 looked on in bewilderment as the man, who was obviously shit-faced, was lead away.

All in all, Konoha was a crazy place, but it was a lot less crazy than rest of the world, so Naruto figured he it had it pretty good. Better than what could have been, especially he if had as many stalkers as Sasuke did.

Not that Naruto didn't have stalkers.

He had two, in fact. And one was a cute girl! Hinata was her name, and she was a Hyuuga, which probably explained how she always managed to find Naruto. She was pretty, no doubt about it, but she was _stalking_ Naruto, as in hunting him down and getting her voyeurism kicks. It was creepy, especially with that weird-glossy-eyes thing going on.

But Hinata was hot, so Naruto let it go pretty easily.

Mizuki-sensei stalking him, on the other hand, was just not right.

Naruto took his problem of being followed continuously to the Hokage. Naruto may be overly paranoid, but one: he was a ninja, he was supposed to be paranoid, and two: it's not paranoia when people really _are_ out to get you.

The Old Man listened to Naruto's complaints with a smile, before sending an ANBU to check Mizuki out. Turned out to be a good thing too, as Mizuki had some kind of sinister plan to kidnap Naruto and steal the Forbidden Scroll or something. He was even working for the S-class missing-nin, Orochimaru!

Well, not anymore, he wasn't. The Hokage took care of that shit real quick.

And when the ANBU brought Mizuki in and the man went on an enraged spiel about Naruto in front of the Hokage, Iruka, the entire council and Naruto himself, the blond simply stated bitterly:

"Aw, my heart bleeds."

Naruto got a few laughs from the council for that, and he decided some of them might be salvageable for when he ruled the world- er, for when he ruled Konoha.

Yeah, Konoha. You know, as Hokage?

)(

One day soon after, when Team 7 was training and Hinata was watching from the bushes as Naruto beat the crap out of himself with clones, Kakashi-sensei finally decided to teach the tree climbing exercise to his genin. But, since Naruto had already learned it _and_ the water walking exercise, he just got to spar as Sakura easily conquered both tree-climbing and water-walking, and Sasuke struggled with the first one.

Naruto heard a rustle in the bushes next to him, and heard a squeak when he looked over. He called it quits on his training for the moment and went to investigate. There Naruto found Hinata on the ground, holding a vase of ointment.

They stared at each other for a minute or two, Hinata blushing like mad as Naruto just looked on, uninterested.

Then Naruto held out a hand to help Hinata up, which made her blush even worse and stutter out a "thank you."

Like Naruto had thought before, Hinata was cute, but boy, was she shy. And creepy. And, oh no, did he just lead her on by being nice to her?

"H-h-here…" Hinata said while holding out the ointment. "I b-b-brought this for you."

Naruto stared at the vase she was holding out. Hinata was waiting patiently, head bowed in submission and offering the gift as if Naruto was a god or something. The gesture was sweet and useful too, but Hinata's manner almost suggested it was a virgin sacrifice.

It was extremely… well Naruto couldn't think exactly how to describe this moment, for "weird" and "creepy" just wouldn't cover it. He went with a simple: "oh God, what the hell?"

"Um, thanks Hinata," Naruto said, taking the ointment.

"But, you don't have to hide, or like, stalk me. You can just talk to me, you know?"

Hinata blushed even more, making her whole face turn completely red, and bowed deeper, so she was practically bending over. Naruto got a bit worried for her.

And now his damn team had noticed what was going on. Sakura was giggling while standing on top of the pond she was practicing on. Naruto glared at her and she smirked back. Really, that girl was picking up too many bad traits from the Uchiha.

And speaking of Sasuke, he looked very annoyed at Naruto's conversation with Hinata. For the life of him, Naruto couldn't figure out why, other than maybe Sasuke felt like his already slow progress on the tree climbing was being hindered in some way.

Kakashi-sensei looked to be napping, the lazy bum.

Naruto figured now was as good as any to test out a theory he'd been working on when it came to Hinata. So, he uncapped the ointment vase, and put a confused look on his face.

"Hey, Hinata, would you mind doing me a favor?" Naruto asked. The girl's head shot up and she nodded vigorously.

"S-s-sure, Naruto. W-w-whatever you n-n-need."

"Cool! Help me put on some of this healing ointment, will ya? I can't reach the spots on my back."

When Naruto quickly took his shirt off, the blush that was recently making Hinata's face look like a tomato just disappeared, turning her ghostly white. Then, she fainted.

"Oh God, what the hell?" Naruto shouted.

Kakashi-sensei looked over then, found nothing of interest and went right back to pretending to sleep. Sakura found the scene to be hilarious, apparently, and started laughing, which broke her concentration and she fell through the water's surface. Sasuke rolled his eyes and went back to failing miserably at climbing a tree.

How rude of them! Couldn't they see that Naruto needed assistance? What if Hinata had hurt herself or something?

Sakura resurfaced, still snickering at Naruto's misfortune.

"Oh ha ha ha, Sakura! I hope you drown, you sucker."

)(

After Naruto left Hinata laying on the ground and just went back to training, Kakashi-sensei finally woke the hell up and graced the genin with his presence once more.

"Alright kiddies, over here."

The three kiddies trudged over to Kakashi, who handed them each a slip of paper.

"These are entrance forms for the chunin exams next week. Enter if you want, I really don't care."

What? Chunin exams? In less than a week? Naruto couldn't handle that! Not at all! Why? Why did _his_ sensei have to have such disgusting behavior?

Naruto spent the day thinking it over. If he actually signed up for the exams, then he may just get himself killed. Worse, his teammates may not survive it. They hadn't been genin for that long, they'd only done one C-rank mission, for shit's sake. Well, they also technically finished an A-rank, but that wasn't the point. The point was that people had a real bad habit of dying in the chunin exam.

No, Naruto couldn't chance it yet. He needed to make sure he was ready… but how would that affect his team if they entered and he didn't? What would he do if they passed without him? Died without him? Naruto went straight to the Old Man.

And when the Old Man had told him that if he didn't enter the exams, then his team couldn't either, well, Naruto had to consider this very distressing news. It was better than his teammates progressing without him, or meeting some horrific end, but…

Oh dear. Sasuke was going to be mad.

)(

Did Naruto say Sasuke was going to be mad? How silly of him. Sasuke was absolutely _livid_. As in, let-me-bludgeon-Naruto-to-death-and-then-burn-his-body kind of livid. It was not pretty, and Naruto had to be saved from his savior by the warrior goddess Sakura.

Sakura actually stood up to Sasuke then, and agreed with Naruto that they weren't ready for the chunin exams yet. This turned Sasuke on them both, and Naruto and Sakura felt mutually guilty. Also, Sakura siding with him against Sasuke? That had shocked the shit out of Naruto.

But Kakashi-sensei had went to the Hokage with a plan to help get Sasuke back to normal and trusting his team again. They would do yet another mission that took them out of the village and away from the chunin exams. Sarutobi had just the mission, one that was actually a B-rank, but the old leader had confidence in Naruto and Kakashi, and decided they would be heading out with Tazuna the (crazy-drunk) bridge builder and save the Wave Country.

)(

Team 7 headed out of the village, in much lower spirits than they had when coming back just three weeks ago from the Borderlands. Sasuke was only speaking to Kakashi-sensei, and only out of necessity, and giving Naruto and Sakura the cold shoulder. Tazuna tried spicing things up with a few insults, but instead he just got either glared at, threatened, or actually hit. Man, that little girl sure can put someone down when she wanted.

As the five were trudging down the road, they were ambushed out of nowhere. So totally unforeseen was this attacked that Naruto just had to comment, just as Kakashi-sensei died a horrific death by chain.

"Oh, what are the chances? Hey wait a minute!" he yelled as Kakashi was sliced up. "That was my kill! That's not fair! I've earned that!"

No one was listening, of course, as the two enemy ninjas came at them, heading straight for Sasuke.

Naruto just stood there, letting his savior handle it. What he saw was pretty neat. Sasuke took them both on, then broke the chain that was attaching the ninjas together. The enemies then fell back to attack again. This time one went for Sakura, the other flew straight at Naruto.

"Ah!" Naruto yelled, fully expecting Sasuke to take the ninja out at any moment, but the Uchiha never came to his rescue. Naruto took a light cut from the claws on the ninja's hand, which started tingling and burning immediately.

This was unfortunate.

Just in time, good old Kakashi-sensei showed up, possibly as a zombie, and saved the day by knocking the shit out of the two enemies. Hmm, perhaps Naruto was wrong about Kakashi…

"Wow, Naruto, I didn't think you would actually freeze up. And you're injured. Good job, Sasuke. You too, Sakura!" Kakashi said.

Naruto had been wrong about people before. Kakashi-sensei he was right about though. The guy truly was an ass.

It turns out that Naruto's savior, well, ex-savior, Sasuke had went to help Sakura out instead, who was protecting that retard Tazuna. Naruto wasn't happy, and by the looks of it, neither was Sakura, for some unfathomable reason. Hadn't her greatest joy in life just given her attention? Naruto was so confused by this.

Confused _and_ annoyed, which never resulted in good things for those around him.

Since Gato, or the money-grubbing midget, as Tazuna liked to call him, had something against bridges, Team 7 would have to expect more hired ninjas later, as this _was_ a B-rank mission.

They made it all the way to Wave Country before another attack, which in Naruto's opinion, was pretty damn good. What wasn't good was the missing-nin, Zabuza Momochi, that attacked them next. He was a former member of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. You know how Naruto could tell? There was mist, and the dude had a sword. A big sword, that Sakura may not even be able to hold. Ah, good times.

As the battle between Kakashi-sensei and Mr. Misty-Sword began, Naruto watched in awe. Then his awe turned into disgust and annoyance when Kakashi got trapped in a damn water prison. Naruto had the sinking suspicion that the lazy bum got himself caught on purpose, just to get his genin to do all the dirty work.

Sasuke turned to Naruto.

"You got a plan, moron?"

Well, at least Sasuke was actually speaking to him again, although it looked rather painful to be doing so, in Naruto's opinion.

A sudden, hard "no" was heard behind them. The boys turned around to see Sakura, glaring at them.

"I want to help fight, Sasuke. Naruto can stay here and guard Tazuna," she said.

Naruto was just about to agree with Sakura. If she needed to let off some steam by pounding on some ninja guy, and she looked like she really, _really_ needed to, who was Naruto stop her? Besides, it was safer back there. But, of course, Sasuke had to open his big, fat, prick mouth and nearly get them all killed.

"No, Sakura, it's too dangerous. You'll just get yourself hurt, or get in my way."

Once again, Naruto wanted to say something when he was interrupted. He was just about to berate Sasuke for being so rude to their teammate, when a sudden, blood-curdling scream of pure, unadulterated rage sprung from Sakura's mouth.

It was the fury of a woman scorned, and the scariest thing Naruto had ever heard. Then:

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled, to which Naruto whimpered "yes?"

"Get over here and stay with the drunk!"

"Ok," Naruto had barely squeaked out by the time Sakura had moved past him toward the two jonin.

Sasuke just stood there, frozen.

Then Sakura lifted her fist, as if to punch the ground. Then… Sakura punched the ground.

"Dear Lord!" Naruto yelled. The ground crumbled beneath Sakura's all-mighty angry-god-fist and the entire forest seemed to shutter under her power.

"Damn!" Mr. Misty-Sword Zabuza shouted as he was jostled around like a toy, even though he stood upon the water. The water broke and flowed into the new crevice in the ground, courtesy of Sakura Haruno. This left the pond in which Zabuza and Kakashi were empty, and no water was left for Kakashi's prison. Their jonin was free, all thanks to Sakura.

"What the fuck are you teaching Konoha kids these days?" Zabuza yelled in Kakashi's general direction.

"I… don't remember teaching her that." Was all Kakashi could say.

'Maybe Naruto was right,' the two sharingan users of Team 7 thought. Warrior goddess, indeed.

* * *

><p>Poor Hinata. Also, I hope making Sakura progress faster than canon is ok, as there is a reason for her learning to wield her chakra like in Shippuden sooner. A lazy reason, though, that gets explained next chapter.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or any souls. My evil overlord just took them away.

Sorry it took so long to get this one out. I've been busy because of Thanksgiving, and then I rewrote this chapter three times.

I know this Naruto is useless, I wrote it that way on purpose, but this chapter he is anything but. He gets some action, and it's violent.

Warnings: Language and violence.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9: <em>Immigrant Song <em>(by _Led Zeppelin_)

After Sakura's frightening display of brute force, the fight resumed, Kakashi giving Mr. Misty-Sword a good thrashing, mainly with water-based jutsus. Then out of nowhere, a hunter-nin showed up and "killed" Zabuza. Seemed a little too easy to Naruto, though, 'cause really? Naruto was just going assume that Mr. Misty-Sword was dead, problem solved, no more trouble for Team 7?

Not frickin' likely.

Then, because Kakashi-sensei used up too much chakra, he collapsed making the genin drag him all the way to Tazuna's house. Honestly, that man was probably just faking it, just to get a free ride. Then again, maybe not, since he wouldn't wake up that night, no matter how many times Naruto slapped him.

By morning, Kakashi-sensei still wasn't moving much, but at least he was awake. He was still groggy and spitting slurred words all over the place, but at least Kakashi-sensei was alert enough to hand out orders. Joy.

After breakfast, which was made by Tazuna's lovely, perfect, sweet, caring daughter Tsunami, Kakashi had the genin mostly training. Sasuke went out to finish learning the tree climbing exercise, while Naruto sent out about a dozen clones with Sakura, to help her train her taijutsu. Help her train her taijutsu without damage to the local landscape, anyway.

Naruto got to stay at the incomplete bridge with Tazuna, who was surprisingly sober for once. But, Naruto was bored and decided to read one of the fuuinjutsu books he'd brought with him while sending out a couple clones to check out the town. When Tazuna took a short break, he came to sit with Naruto.

"Hey, Naruto," Tazuna said. The man had taken up the common courtesy of actually calling the genin by their real names after the Zabuza Smackdown.

"So, how many of those clones can you actually make?" Tazuna asked, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. Naruto sighed, he saw where this was going.

"Many, many more, Mr. Bridge-builder. How many do you need?"

Tazuna smiled and asked for about twenty clones, if Naruto could do that. Naruto returned the smile and gave Tazuna forty clones to help work on the bridge.

As soon as Naruto was sure he would die of boredom, he start getting information from his clones that were training with Sakura. The girl was already getting a bit better with her taijutsu, even after only a half day of training. She'd just beat her first clone in a real spar. Sakura had trouble actually hitting the clone, but when she finally got a hit in, it was only a light tap that shouldn't have dispelled the clone. But this was Sakura, with her new freaky strength.

Well, freakier strength.

Which came from a very surprising source. Sakura finally told the team how she got so powerful, when she should have been the weakest of the three physically. The story was that, not long after they'd become a team, Sakura happened upon one of Naruto's clones in the library one day. After seeing what book the clone was reading, she decided to be nosy and check it out herself. It was about chakra techniques, and she found herself very interested.

Long story short, Sakura found out that she could be using chakra to make herself stronger physically, and then took the idea a little too far.

Naruto was so proud he could cry. Just as long as Sakura didn't come after him with that monster right hook of hers, 'cause then he'd be crying for real. And most likely missing his face or something.

As for his other clones, only a few on the bridge had popped, and only because they'd done something retarded, like drop a bag of dry concrete on their foot or walk off the end of the unfinished area. The idiots.

Naruto's clones that were unaccounted for, the two that were scouting the town and surrounding area, were still out and about, looking for anything of interest. Neither of them had dispelled yet, so Naruto figured they were having a bit of fun. Which was fine, as long as it wasn't at his expense.

)(

That night, Sasuke joined his team at Tazuna's in an extremely foul mood. Not only did the Uchiha fail to conquer the tree climbing, but he was still angry at Naruto and Sakura about the chunin exams. Naruto figured Sasuke would just have to get over it, and take the exams next time. In Naruto's opinion, it was best to do something right the first time, without failure, instead of just trying to gain strength the fast, cheap way. Until his dying breath, Naruto would defend his use of clones to learn quickly as a legitimate strategy.

When they'd returned to their rooms, Naruto and Sakura were privy to a Sasuke tantrum when the dark-haired boy had a fight with his sleeping bag.

"Don't worry, Sasuke, you'll get it soon enough. Just keep at it." Sakura said, and both boys instinctively knew that she wasn't referring to the uncooperative sleeping bag.

Sasuke just frowned and grunted, not in the mood for praise or sympathy from the annoying girl. It seemed to the Uchiha that he was being left behind. Not only did Naruto have practically infinite chakra reserves, but Sakura had practically perfect chakra control, and he couldn't even stick to a tree. Sakura had made the chakra exercises look like child's play, and who knows how easy it was for Naruto. As crappy as it sounded, Sasuke hated his teammates for surpassing him.

"Would you like a bit of advice?" Naruto asked.

"Not from you." Sasuke snapped, then climbed into his sleeping bag. He turned away from Naruto and Sakura to glare at the wall. Sasuke seriously doubted Itachi had ever had this much trouble with one simple chakra control exercise.

Naruto noticed the painful look on Sakura's face and it made him feel immensely guilty. If only he'd just signed those damn chunin exam entrance papers, then Sasuke wouldn't be acting like a spoiled brat and Sakura wouldn't be hurting. But Naruto's fear and paranoia had won out in the end, and the only comfort he could take was that he might have saved his team from something terrifying.

Maybe if Naruto took another approach to dealing with Sasuke the Prick?

"Don't get all pissy, Sasuke. I mean, I'm a retard and I learned how to do both the tree climbing and water walking, and all it took was, like, four or five stinking months. Sakura made it look easy 'cause she's a genius, the stupid woman."

There. Force Sasuke to hear him out, and bring a little sarcasm into the situation. Did it work, though?

Sakura gave Naruto a half-hearted glare for calling her an oxymoron and for trying to defuse the angry aura around Sasuke. The two stood silently for a few seconds, then Sasuke finally spoke up.

"I said I didn't need help, moron, so just shut up."

Didn't work. And now Naruto was starting to get mad too.

"You know, Sasuke, you're a jackass. We're just trying to help you, you know? That's our job as your team members. So, you're going to get advice whether you want it or not. We want you to succeed."

Sasuke scoffed bitterly at that, making Naruto flinch. Yeah, Sasuke was a douche. And that made Naruto feel rather crappy.

"You know what, Sasuke?" Naruto snapped as he flopped down onto his own sleeping bag. "You are acting like a child. Can't you get it through your thick head that you have people around you that care about you? All I want is for you to be a great ninja who can take his revenge. But I want you to do it the right way, not the fast way, 'cause just half-assing your way through life will only cause you trouble and unnecessary pain. But, that's your choice, so, whatever." Naruto finished his rant, and like Sasuke, burrowed into his sleeping bag and turned away from his teammates. This caused Naruto to face Kakashi-sensei, who was laying there, pretending to be asleep. Naruto met the lidded eye of his jonin instructor and stared back, waiting for the inevitable silence to resume.

Sakura gave a light sniffle, and Naruto had to fight the tears that had gathered in his own eyes. Naruto watched Kakashi-sensei, silently pleading for the jonin to say or do something, but the man just lay there, waiting as well.

Then Naruto heard Sasuke sigh as if the world had just come to an end.

"What would you suggest then?" Sasuke said suddenly.

Naruto turned over, shocked, before sharing a triumphant grin with Sakura.

Under his mask, Kakashi smiled fondly. Finally, his genin were getting it.

)(

The next three days continued the same way for Naruto. He'd sit around guarding Tazuna at the bridge while he made his clones work, Sakura and Sasuke were still out training, and Kakashi was recovering. On the third day of this, the jonin had finally gotten up and started hobbling around on crutches.

That was how Sasuke began his water walking exercise.

After the night of the fight, Sasuke ended up listening to the advice Sakura and Naruto had given him, and it had helped. The idea was to get just the right amount of chakra in your feet to stick to the tree. The same applied to water, Sasuke found out, but this time he'd have to pay very close attention and constantly alter the amount of chakra to stay on top of the water.

"Go with the flow," Naruto had said, and it seemed to be helping more than Sasuke would like to admit.

Sasuke never thanked his teammates, but they weren't really expecting him to. The Uchiha was still angry over missing the chunin exams, after all, but he was being a bit more decent. Sasuke was back to being his only-slightly-bitchy self, for the most part.

There was another problem that Naruto decided to ignore in Wave Country. Tazuna's grandson, Inari or something, kept mention how Team 7 was going to die. Now, Naruto recognized the same wary pessimism in himself, but this kid took the cake. The first time Inari approached Naruto with the grim news, claiming that everyone was going to meet their death, Naruto could only laugh nervously and say "yeah, eventually."

Inari had glared at Naruto and left in a huff, making Naruto worry for the kid's future. And so far, that very scene had replayed at least twice more until Tazuna sat down and explained a bit about Inari's tragic past. Naruto's heart went out to the kid, but still…

Man, Inari really freaked him out.

)(

On the morning of the seventh day, Naruto woke in the early dawn with a jolt. He had been sleeping soundly, dreaming about something awesome that he couldn't remember. It most likely had to do with ramen, so he didn't mind too much, since ramen was best in real life, not in dreamland.

The memories from his clones he sent out to investigate the town flooded his mind and forced him to fully wake up. Naruto shivered as one of the clones' memories played out in full detail.

The clone had been alone, leaving its brother to watch over the bridge during the night, just in case. Then, the loner had wondered off to inspect more of the forest area around Tazuna's house. It had wondered too far, and ended up finding an occupied clearing.

There, it watched Zabuza being treated by the hunter-nin with herbs found near Tazuna's home.

Naruto had always been good at hiding, and this had always come in handy when running from ANBU after a particularly nasty prank. Naruto had ended up learning how to hide his chakra the hard way, and even knew how to slow his breathing so he could sit absolutely still. The clone employed this technique, and had sat like a statue for two days to watch Mr. Misty-Sword recover. The clone had finally run out of chakra and dispelled the morning after the second night, the clone on the bridge doing the same not three seconds later.

The last conversation the hidden clone overheard worried Naruto. Zabuza was going on the offensive the next day, and he was bringing the hunter with him.

'Here we go,' Naruto thought with a sigh before nudging Kakashi-sensei awake.

)(

By the time the mist rolled over the bridge, signaling the arrival of the enemy, Team 7 figured they were as ready as they could be.

The bridge had been filled with Naruto's shadow clones, all transformed to look like the men who worked there everyday. Using the same strategy, a fake Sakura was now guarding a fake Tazuna, while the real Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei prepared to fight on the bridge. The real Sakura was with the real Tazuna, back at the bridge builder's home with Tsunami and Inari.

The fight started, and a clone of Naruto watched Sasuke's back as the Uchiha attacked the hunter-nin, now known to be named Haku.

The real Naruto watched the fight from atop a scaffolding, waiting for the perfect opportunity to help. But the mist had hampered all visibility, so Naruto would have to either find a new place closer to Sasuke's fight, or make a move now to dissipate the mist.

Getting rid of the mist would be easy. Naruto could concentrate his chakra, then send it all out at once in a pulse, and the mist would be cleared. Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei would be able to see clearly, and the enemies would think they were being ambushed from elsewhere and drop their guards against the sharingan users. It was a good advantage for Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei, but Naruto would be found out when he started drawing on his chakra, and possibly attacked when he was trying to clear the mist.

Unless Naruto had a way of getting a large amount of chakra all at once, and that chakra was so strong and malicious that it could scare the crap out of a fully grown missing-nin…

Like Kyuubi's chakra.

Naruto grinned mischievously as he considered the pros and cons of his new plan. He'd been training with Kyuubi's chakra and was able to call up almost a tail's worth in less than two seconds. It was powerful stuff, and would definitely send Mr. Misty-Sword and Haku on edge, which would give him enough time to move out of their line of sight. But, how would Sasuke and Kakashi react? There was no doubt in Naruto's mind that his sensei knew the fox was sealed inside Naruto, but Sasuke would be completely clueless.

Time was wasting, so Naruto made a decision. He'd always been good at thinking quickly and felt good about it. If it was reckless, then oh well, he could fix it later.

As soon as he thought about taking the fox's chakra, Naruto was enveloped in a red cloak, and just as quickly as he got the chakra, he let go of it. The bridge was covered with a sudden strong, hot wind, and the mist was gone. Naruto moved quickly, using kawarimi to replace himself with a bag of unmixed cement that was hidden behind a stack of rebar metal.

Naruto had just been able to catch a glimpse of three equally shocked faces before he'd gotten away, and he tried not to giggle and give away his new hiding spot. That hunter may have been wearing a mask, but Naruto just knew the guy was freaked too.

Then, surprisingly, Sasuke took the advantage Naruto had made and knocked Haku to the ground. Hard. Both fights resumed, and Naruto sat back to watch and plan.

But, the blond wasn't able to rest there long. Haku apparently got fed up with Sasuke matching his speed with the sharingan, so he trapped the Uchiha in a dome of mirrors that looked to be made of ice. Naruto's unease got worse as Sasuke failed to take down the mirrors with his strongest fire jutsu. The whole time Sasuke dodged and rolled, trying to stay out of the path of the hunter's senbon needles, but in the end, the Haku was faster, and Sasuke was starting to tire.

Naruto felt like hyperventilating when the red of his teammate's eyes bled back into black and Sasuke kneeled on one knee, unable to move. The hunter took aim.

This was to be a killing shot, and that was not on at all.

Naruto, without thinking, used the kawarimi again to replace himself with Sasuke, hoping against hope that it would work, and in time. It did work, and Sasuke was now safely hidden as Naruto took the hit. No less than twenty senbon pierced Naruto's torso, arms and legs, and down he fell.

Naruto was beginning to black out, and the faint whisper of the demon inside could be heard. A resounding laugh echoed, and Naruto's head began to clear. The blond had been wrong about the hunter-nin. This was not meant to kill Sasuke, just stop him.

This realization made Naruto feel slightly bad about what he was about to do, but Haku was the enemy, and Naruto's emotions were out of his control. The hate, anger, and desperation were fueling the blond now, and once more, the red cloak of demonic chakra sprang to life around him.

A wave of his arm and Naruto broke the mirrors like the ice they were made of. Haku jumped to the ground and uttered the words that had Naruto growling.

"What are you?"

Haku tried to close in on Naruto quickly, but Naruto's speed was superior now. Haku came at Naruto with four senbon, one between each knuckle. The blond grabbed Haku's arm, twisted it around, and stabbed the hunter-nin with his own senbon. A crack was heard as Haku's arm broke when Naruto had forced the needles into the hunter's back. The senbon sank deep into Haku, right between the shoulder blades, and his arm fell to his side, completely useless.

Before Haku could retreat, a foot smashed in the side of his knee, breaking it as well. Haku cried out and fell to the cement, now completely broken and useless as a shinobi. Naruto did not stop, and left the hunter laying on the bridge. A red streak of hot air collided into Zabuza a moment later.

Kakashi watched as his opponent skidded across the bridge, Naruto on top of him. They left a long mark along the cement, and Kakashi cringed, knowing Zabuza probably had no skin left on his back. That had to have hurt. Kakashi ran to stop Naruto's attack, not knowing if the fox had taken over Naruto completely or not. He contemplated what should be done if that was the case, but decided not much _could_ be done. The day may turn into a free-for-all against Naruto. What a failure to Minato-sensei that would be.

But, Kakashi found Naruto pinning Zabuza to the bridge, neither ninja moving. Zabuza, for all the talent and killing intent he had, looked scared. In all honesty, Kakashi didn't blame the man. He never wanted to face the Kyuubi either.

"Naruto," Kakashi said in the softest voice he could, lest he bring the demon down on his own head. Naruto turned his glare toward Kakashi.

"You should've finished this guy off sooner, Kaka-sensei, then maybe Sasuke wouldn't have been in danger."

Zabuza struggled under Naruto, but the blond quickly put a clawed hand against the man's throat. Zabuza immediately tensed up, the skin around the boy's hand getting burned from the red chakra.

"So," Naruto said. "How should I kill this guy, huh? You're my teacher, so teach me."

Naruto gave Kakashi a condescending smirk all the while clinching his hand around Zabuza's throat.

A cry rang out, breaking the unnerving silence.

"No!" It was Haku. "Please don't kill him! Kill me instead!"

Naruto quirked an eyebrow. He'd forgotten about the little hunter. He turned to see Haku trying to crawl his way over. Didn't Haku realize who was in charge here now? It wasn't Zabuza, it wasn't Kakashi, and it sure as hell wasn't Gato. But, the sight of a broken boy begging for mercy made Naruto's heart seize up.

What had he just become?

Naruto suddenly let go of Zabuza and jumped up. He refused to look at the missing-nin as he laid on the ground, now coughing so hard blood was sprayed across the cement. Naruto could feel Kakashi-sensei's eye boring into him, and the rage was leaving Naruto, though the demonic chakra wasn't. Sasuke choose this perfect moment to hobble over.

When the Uchiha saw Naruto, he stopped. Sasuke stared at his teammate in confusion. What the fuck was that chakra? Was it even chakra? Before Sasuke got the chance to ask, a loud clapping sounded from the end of the incomplete bridge.

There a short tubby man stood, applauding the scene. A large group of thugs with weapons waited behind him, and Zabuza gave a raspy growl.

"Gato."

The little man gave a chuckle.

"There's been a slight change of plan. You're going to die, here and now, Demon of Kirigakure."

Zabuza looked to Haku, and gave another growl.

"You must have guessed," Gato continued. "I never intended to pay you or your little pet."

Gato walked straight toward the injured Haku and looked down in disgust.

"Get away from him," Zabuza said.

"No," Gato replied. "I have a score to settle." Haku could do nothing as an expensive shoe collided with his nose, adding that to his list of broken bones.

Naruto watched, speechless as his anger came back in full force. Zabuza was doing nothing to help Haku.

"Well," Naruto said, gaining attention to himself. When Gato looked up to see who had just spoken, he stopped his assault on Haku. Standing there, smirking, was a child. A child who was a real demon.

Naruto turned to address Zabuza.

"Maybe I _should _have chocked you to death. After all, you can tell a lot about a person by the way he treats his subordinates. You're standing there, watching Haku get kicked around. Haku, who just begged me to spare you. You, Mr. Misty-Sword, are nothing but a coward."

Gato laughed. "Hey kid, you're right! He is a heartless coward isn't he!"

Naruto turned to Gato, and just as the little man went to kick Haku again, Naruto suddenly put himself in between the downed hunter and the rich man. Gato gasped and quickly backed up. The thugs raised their weapons, ready to defend their source of money.

"I would stop that, if I were you, Mr. Gato," Naruto said. "You wouldn't want me to rip your leg off and beat you to death with it, now do you? Sounds like a horribly unpleasant way to die."

"Naruto," Kakashi began, just to be cut off by Zabuza.

"Your kid's right, Kakashi. That man needs to die, and I want to do it." Zabuza said this easily, as he knelt down to help Haku put a piece of cloth over his nose to stop the bleeding.

Naruto stepped back, letting Zabuza past. The red chakra finally disappeared, leaving Naruto swaying where he stood. But Sasuke was near enough to reach out and steady the blond. It surprised Naruto, and Sasuke refused to look at him. The rest of the day was going to go _wonderfully_, Naruto could just tell. Naruto and his team stood back and watched Zabuza take out Gato and his men. It was nothing short of a massacre.


End file.
